Uh...

Enjoy~

2011-07-16T20:13:00.001+08:00

Wonderful ain't it?

Hi Dear!

2011-06-10T01:06:00.000+08:00

Dear, I'm proud of you. You have made the best choice ever-the choice that I was very scared to make. Still am scared of it though. I dunno why. Maybe I'm just afraid to lose you? Haha. Its me and my insecurities. Thanks alot dear, for making the first move in taking up that choice, that path. Proud of you, and will continue to support you.

Well, this is not a secret letter, since its on an open blog. Neither it is a letter of sarcasm. Its just that, I do need to express myself, but I'm afraid of letting you know the truth I guess. At least, here, I do hope that you would not check this blog. There is no need to anyway, since this blog has been dormant for quite sometime. I'm afraid of writing this anywhere else, because I do not want you to find out. I don't want to break your heart. You're too precious for me.

And dear, what I said stands. I will continue trying. And I will continue supporting you. But the truth is, I do know that I am uncapable of doing so. I have lost the strength, and the faith to move on. The only reason I'm doing what I'm doing, attending what I'm attending, is because I know I'm supposed to. I've lost the will to return, lost the will of wanting Him back, lost the hope and faith. Perhaps, I'm just too filled with unbelief. Dear, you're strong. Go back to Him okay? Go back. You need Him in your life. Don't ever ever become like me. I've lost it all, I guess-my hope, my consicence, my beliefs, my dreams.

And, its also easier for me to say I QUIT than to stay. The only reason I'm staying, is because I do know that I wanna see you grow, and wanna be with you. The only reason why I go, is because you're there. Don't leave okay? Don't try leaving. No matter what happens, stay on there. Grow. Listen. Receive. Don't make me the only reason you're there. Make Him the ultimate reason why you're there.

Like I promised, I can only try dear. I'll try, for your sake. I've lost the want and the will to do so. But for you, I'll try. And no matter what happens, remember, that I promised to maintain contact till my very last breath. That no matter how, you would know where I am.

Dear, I love you loads.

Love,
Dear..

Dreams 2!

2011-04-13T11:38:00.000+08:00

Okay, I had weirdly dreams again last night. After a few nights of not having those dreams. Its a weird weird combination.
The first dream, was related to my daily life. I dreamt that I lent the CF guitar out to someone; I dunno who. And I was carrying mine at the same time. Then after the event, I went to the room/stage to look for the person. All I could find was a guitar, with the INTI logo on it, lying on the stage. It looked slightly like the CF guitar, but it wasn't it. I wonder. And I left, feeling down and depressed, coz I dunno where the guitar went to. Emerlyn! Make sure you DO NOT LOOSE THE GUITAR! Haha. I just lent the guitar too her last Saturday. Seriously hoping that all is well.

The second dream was gross. There was bits and parts of flesh of a lizard near my sink. Haha. The setting is even weirder. The internal of the house looked like my room in Ipoh, while the external looked like my house in Melaka. There was a patch of skin or two on the rack, and its head. My mum was around, so is my dad. And my sis also I think. My mum's explanation for the head being apart from the body, is that it was frozen, and then it exploded. It was gross! I sort of poured powder over the whole sink, before running the tap to drain down those bits. Somehow, the head and everything else went in, leaving the lower half of the body. It was too large to go through the sewage holes. I shouted and screamed, because I would not touch it and throw it away-too gross! My mum came and took it by the tail (there was only the lower limbs and the tail left, with obvious flesh sticking out) and threw it outside.

And then, my dad shouted at me, asking me what was it that I threw outside. He was already outside. I told him something dead. He said no, and picked up half a cat. Literally half. The front half, head, front paws till stomach plus. He said it was alive, and let it go under the car. And surprisingly, the cat moved, to under his car, to sit with my cat. I shouted at him and said that it was DEAD! And I asked him to get it away from my cat. He didn't listen at first, until I pointed out the blood stains. Then, he used a rake, to drag whatever there was from under the car out. The last image I got was him grabbing hold of the half cat.

The third dream is the worst. I have had this dream before a few times, just a slight change here and there. In this dream, there are two houses, linked by a tiny road/pathway and a river. One house is occupied by my mum, dad, sis and another by my brother. The only way from house 1 to house 2 is by road, since the river was too fast and too dangerous. I was the only one walking from my parent's house to my brother's house. I would be walking to his house on the road, and walking back on the river. This time, there was a noisy generator beside my parent's house. It was so noisy that I could not hear myself talk. I walked to my bro's house, and as usual ask why I'm not allowed to walk through the river. When I was coming back, I walked on the river, with my dad with me. Somehow, I walked on cemented ground, with little water flow. It wasn't walking on water, I could see the floors of the cement. I asked my dad then, if the river was strong, and if not why wasn't I allowed to walk in it on the way there. There was a small crack through the cement, more like an opening for the root of a tree. He asked me to place my foot there, and that I would know the strength of the river. I can't remember if I did, but I do remember knowing that the current underneath was very very strong.

Yea. Very strange dreams. I'll update the poem blog soon!

=]

Dreams~

2011-04-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

Been having weird dreams lately. The cause is yet unknown. Haha...although I have a strong feeling it is what is affecting my sleep badly. So, i'll start writing my dreams down. Starting from the night two days ago. There was strange dreams the night before, but I can't remember them already.

Night of 5th Apr
Had two dreams today. The first one was a creepy one. In this first dream, there was a monster-looking guy who kidnapped five (or six) maidens with him. He brought them all underwater, where a group of people (including me) were trying to coax him to surrender those maidens. The first girl had a paper bag over her head. I can't remember the convo clearly, but the 5th girl or so was trying to coax him out of it. She was willing to sacrifice herself to save the rest. The others only remained quiet. The convo went on for sometime, while they were all still in chains. The funny thing was, they were all lined up facing us. After sometime, she took a step towards him, and him towards her. She kissed him, and he kissed her back, or sort of. The minute his lips touched hers, a black shadow from his body came out and engulfed her, eating her away. She disappeared for a moment in that black shadow. Both of them did. It was like suddenly, the black shadow was there and the beings were not. His head became the black shadow. As sudden as it started, the shadow retreated, back into becoming his head, while the girl's body formed back, now a corpse. She just dropped to the floor of the lake/ocean. His head was blinking, in a sense that the black shadow keep appearing and reappearing. Creepy.

The next dream, was me in school. I was back in school, in my normal state now. I found it weird that I could still fit my prefects uniform, and could find my blazer (since my blazer is now with my sis's friend). I did notice that my fingernails were long, as they are now in the present state, and that my hair was dyed. And I did wonder if the discipline teacher would find out, because it was super obvious. And I went into the PR, to look for my name on the duty list. I saw alot of unrecognisable names, and was also looking for random names that would never appear on the list, like some church member's names. Then I was told, I can't remember if it was unconsciously or consciously that I was a senior, coming back to help. Hence, I did not have any duty set for me. I felt very out-of-place somehow, and was constantly afraid the discipline teacher would catch me. Haha..weirdness. In reality, the discipline teacher knows me personally. So even if I were to go back to school dressed as a prefect, she would have spotted me.

Night of 6th Apr
This dream is a little long winded, and funny. I was driving along the highway, with my mum. And another car was sort of tailing us from behind. We were to go to the same destination, but we were sort of competing to reach there. The driver is a he btw. Somehow, I was driving from Seremban to Gombak, without him. Then again from Gombak towards Seremban with him tailing and competing. We were supposed to exit at Seremban to head for the ferry (weird). Somehow, I took the wrong turning, although being told by my mum that that was not the exit. He followed. And came to a junction where I turned left, and he right. Then, I followed my mum's direction after that, and we got onto the bridge/ferry that was going to bring us to...I dunno where. Somehow, I was sitting on the ferry, not in the car. I only remembered having to make one U-turn to get onto that bridge/ferry, and that guy not being able to get onto the ferry on time.

Then, we (my whole family excluding my bro) somehow ended up in Italy/Germany/Spain. I have no idea where it was. I only remembered not being able to read the language. Also, the reason for going there was because my dad said he wanted to invest in a house there. I do not know where the means came from. I remember doubting his ability to buy a house there. We were on a bus, where it stopped directly in front of this house. My dad and I were hesitating whether we should continue on our journey to another house/country or stop here. In the end, we all got down. We walked up to the house, which was supposingly the house he wanted to invest in. We checked the front, the side, the garden, the landscape-it was huge-and then we went into the front living room. All of a sudden, we realised the landlord was inside, and he spoke to us in English. The first few convo that we had led to him saying he was into Judaism, which immediately pigued my interest. And then, he invited me into a room/kitchen to prepare candles. He said the candles were for welcoming guests, special guests. The candles were ready made, but there was a wick of ink which he lighted and formed patterns on the candles. It was intriguing watching him do it, where the ink fell drop by drop onto the candles. It had to be done quickly. I think he did about 3. The first wasn't really that succesful, but the later two were beautifully wonderful. I still dunno how he created two flowy patterns with one wick.

That's all the dreams that I can remember for the past two days. I do know that there is more, and is currently recollecting in my mind, but I can't figure out the whole flow. We'll see as the days past if there is more to come. Shall sign off now. =]

Dee Dum

2011-03-28T21:40:00.001+08:00

Three more days, and the first quarter of the year has passed! Time seem to fly so super duper fast this year, with every single happenings and events and turmoil rushing through my schedule. I barely am able to sit down, and take a deep deep deep breath.

The same story goes on, been slacking much. Wayyyyy to much. Although I do get things done on time, it's still done in a rush. However, the reason why I've avoided blogging was not due to my busy or hectic schedule.

The reason I avoided this was because I know my next post will be an emo post also.

Maybe its because this is the one place where I can express my thoughts first, and then get scoldings later. Maybe some people may call this an avenue for my DFAness, to post first and let others 'pity' or 'sympathize' me. Maybe whatever. I don't care.

Yes, its been another hectic day for me. A moody one also, where even my classmates asked why I was so quiet. As much as I would like to deny this, I would say I can't. I do know the cause of my emoness. And I do know why it is there. I just didn't expect the impact to be so big. Huge. One event after another came throughout the day. And it was NOT fun at all dealing with those. NOT.

I do now know what else to do already. Honestly. Its very simple to say, turn to Him. But how to surrender when I can see things happening right now, with my own two eyes. Things that I know would change the future. Things that I do know if there is no direct intervention, it would be lost. How do I say I surrender, and yet is still unable to see any difference there. Why even place me there in the first place?

What I do know, is that I have decided. And the decision stays. No point taking care of myself, when people all around me are suffering. No point thinking of my needs when there are people who needs help. No point doing so much, but yet people are still not changed. No point.

I shall just get sick.

It is March!

2011-03-02T19:02:00.000+08:00

How fast time flies. Its already the third month of the year. Tests are coming up, assignments loading in and exams soon! Very much too soon. Its only the third month, and I feel like letting go already. I'm just so worn out. In terms of CF, in terms of studies, and in terms of me. I really do not know if I can reclaim the joy in doing those stuff for CF anymore. I'm just so tired of the charades and the masks that is being displayed. On one hand, I want to give my best to it, bringing it up again. On another hand, I'm being pulled down by my own committee. At times, I just feel like disappearing. Forever.

Then, there's studies. I find myself slacking ALOT this semester. Its not a good sign, especially with those classmates. Honestly, I still resist and loathe them, even after three months together. I was literally pushed to the brink during stats class today. I have never ever felt so tired of listening to someone, of being kind to someone, of even sitting there through that two hours. All I felt during that two hour class was to finish up the work as soon as possible and to stop listening to her. I'm really stressed up to the max. This will some way or another affect my results.

Then, there's me. I find myself very insecure at times, and also my too-much involvement in everything. In the call campaign, and so on. I don't even see myself rushing for assignments.

This is real bad. What I need to do for the next one month, is to remove myself from all these stressed up stuff and start working properly, with a clear mindset. I have to stop letting these items cloud my mind and making me super emo. And I have to try to stop letting go.

If that's possible.

Ever.

the WORTH of it

2011-02-24T09:39:00.000+08:00

The main question most people will ask in their lives. Sometimes, we don't find ourselves good enough. Sometimes, it's just US degrading ourselves.

Well, today's QT was really good. It talked about the trip to the Titianic Museum and the line drawn between the save and the unsaved.

The real deal is not whether you are saved or not.

The real deal, is that you are SAVED because you BELIEVED. And you are WORTH being saved because you BELIEVED when no one else did.

So the question if you are worth it has a simple answer.

Yes, you are worth it, simply because you BELIEVED.

Hola!

2011-02-24T00:27:00.002+08:00

Its towards the end of February! Alot of busy events have passed, alot more are coming up! I've gone for the Acts Campus Camp, and is currently involved in INTIMA Week. The council camp is this Friday. Then assesments starts in March!

This blog will remain in its current condition as it was, due to the lack of commitment from my side. Nevertheless, I'll add some spice to it from time to time, with photos and snapshots.

And the alternatives? You can check out here for occasional poems and literature updates.

Keep tuning in!

Post CNY

2011-02-06T23:15:00.000+08:00

I As promised, I'm back after CNY. It was pretty boring this year, went back to Melaka for barely a day. And no one to visit also. But anyhows, thank God for the holidays.

What I currently need is a way to express myself. But I can't photoshop. So I guess its best for me to express myself through poems. Since I AM able to write them, though still very amateur-ish.

Robot1:

I dun wanna be human

No, please no

No brains, no organs

No yucky platelets around

I love the me now

The perfect me

Artificial limbs, fake hair

Facial masks and so many to choose from

Don't change me

No, please don't

I love the me now

I adore the me now

I prefer being ordered around

Prefer no thinking

Order and it shall be done

Ask and it shall be served

Human1:

I love the me now

No don't change me please

I want the freedom I have

The thoughts I have

I don't want anything plastic

No, get them away from me!

Everything has to be real

Of the flesh or from the flesh

I love the commanding

I love the ordering

I don't care

At my will it has to be done

Robot2:

i wish i could change

i hate this artificial me

Its so plastic

So metallic

So valueless

If only

a heart

a living brain

a moving soul

i could get

i'm sick and bored

orders bring me down

tired of expectations

tired of pleasing

i want emotions

i wanna feel

i wanna touch

and feel the touch

i want to be me!

Human2:

i'm so sick of this world

why can't i be more of a robot?

no need to think

no need to bother

do and get it done

no questions asked

i need masks

i want coverings

i'm too vunerable

i've been hurt

i can't live up to people

i can't behave normally

i can't express love

i can't be me

Why?

Ever wondered, which category of that four do you fall into?

A new month

2011-02-02T17:33:00.000+08:00

I promised to give at least one update a month. So that my blog won't be declared 'dead'. Haha. Nothing much has happened this week, only the major travelling to KL city for shopping. I'm enjoying my one week break, neglecting all my assignments and presentations that needs to be handed in soon. Well, I'm far too lazy for that now.

I feel like writing a poem. Suddenly. I'll just try and see if my attempt here is fruitful. This would be dedicated to the people who have made a lasting impact in my life.

You come and You go

And you make my life so

You give me joy

You give me sorrow

I dunno where to go

I find joy in pleasing You

And caring for You

And plenty of heartache when something goes wrong

I care for You much

Yet I don't ask for anything in return

Although I do hope

You know of my existance

Now that we're far away

The distance is further than before

Closer we are not

Comfortable we are less

And You

You who scared me most

You who gave me something to look up to

I didn't know

I didn't expect

Did not see that coming

How similar we were

How much I've taken it for granted

Looking at Your past

I feel scared

I feel insecure

Like the pillar that I've been pinned to

Suddenly crumbled down

And to You

You who were there

You who listened

You whom I missed

Sometimes I wonder

Wonder about Your thoughts

Wonder if You really care

Wonder if You're really there

Or doing it

Just for the sake of it

You,

You

and You

And how strange You are

Seem so distant

and so close

Seem to care

and not bother

Seems like You're there

but You're not here

And to You, You, You, You and You

Thanks for the memories

Thanks for the wonderful year

Thanks for being there

Thanks for it all

It's really wonderful

Being with yYou, You, You, You and You

It's been a great joy

Though there was exasperation

Boredom

Tiredness

Hopelessness

I've come to appreciate it all

And to You and You

Seems so distant now

There was a time

Where we were closer than sisters

I do miss You and You

May those memories be treasured

So You

yes You

You are amazing!

continue to be You

for me.

Thank You!

Have fun guessing who this poem is addressed to. More than one person is mentioned here. Shall be back after CNY! Ciaoz.

Degree Student?

2011-01-27T21:15:00.000+08:00

Currently blogging from Old Town in Taipan. Home line broke down. Sighs.

Its the second week of my degree! Still getting used to it. And still not used to it, especially the classmates. Most of my classmates are UEC graduates, who can barely utter a word of English. Much less understand me. And, to make matters worst, the only other friend that I have in class is a girl who talks me to boredom. =.= So lost still.

Also there is a whole batch of sem 2 people in our class who seems to only stick to their clan; its so hard to talk to them and to get them to communicate with us. The only bonus is that I managed to befriend one of them.

Am still praying for the best to come tho. Assignments are starting to flow in, and lecturers are much much stricter now compared to last time. And I don't really know them personally. Yet. Also.

The update-blog-when-emo trend is still ongoing. I still do turn to my blog only when I'm really really down. Sighs. That hasn't changed much tho. And honestly, to you people out there reading my blog, don't expect mych from here. Its just a place where I can express my thoughts and freedom. Don't expect me to be posting holy-moly stuff and all. I'm just not that kind of person

Well back to current issues. I have the same problem since one month ago, and it has returned. And I still can't solve it, and am still clueless about it. If only I could run, and be a coward for once.

*sigh* Grow up. Its the real world now. Some things just has to be faced whether I like it or not. All I feel like doing now is this

Go figure my emotions.

Oh of a new year!

2011-01-09T18:36:00.000+08:00

This shall be my first post of the new year! New year, but same me. Plenty has happened since the 1st of Jan, CF meetings, result taking, decisions and decisions needed. So, the new year started off quietly, like there was no oomphh in it. But honestly, I'm hoping much more from this year, this untouched and undisturbed ground. May this whole year teach me more that I've already known.

The first good news of the year was my result.

Well, I didn't exactly get an A+. I got a 4.0 for the first time. So my total CGPA is 3.85, which is above average I guess. It was actually kinda shocking, getting something you really want to get for the first time. But I didn't achieve my target on the A's. Nevertheless, it was a real blessing to be able to hold such a result. What's more, when I was busy most of the time with CF. Well, nothing better to say than to thank God!

And now, I'm left with 4 days to choose which Uni to go to. Its saddening to see so many of my friends moving away- Help, Taylors, Monash, and so many more. And the two most competitive and supportive friends of mine are leaving. I know the most common sense and reasonable thing to do is to stay in INTI, because I'm tied to the CF. But I haven't found the peace in choosing a course to stay. Everytime I've considered putting away all other choices and going for that particular program, I find myself at unease. I don't have the confidence to tell myself 'Yes, I'm going for that and its settled'.

Currently am still praying about it, with two choices left. Either I stay, or I move to Taylors UK program. All I can say is that I'll go, where I am led.

New Year!

2011-01-01T00:10:00.000+08:00

Yeah! I'm free! Nothing better than finishing your exams on the last day of the year. 2010 has been a real great year for me. And a great year more waiting ahead! All the memories, and happenings and learnings in this past year, its just uncountable for. One word sums it all up-AWESOME. The wonderful people I've met, the things I've learnt, can never never NEVER be measured in words. The end of this day marks the end of my foundation also. Goodbye Pre-U, Hello Degree!

And, to end this year with a wonderful tone (and a sentimental one), I'll dedicate this post to the coursemates that I wont be studying with anymore! =[

The awesome possum people whom I spend my college time with! They are like an extended family to me. Its amazing how close we have come to even though we spent only 9 months of our lives together. I'll start with the first one to my right.

Cherissa Lim

The awesomest mangkuk ever! LOL. She can be really extremely blur at times, especially when we need her to understand something, but very clear about something we don't want her to be clear about. A true optimist though, always looking at the bright side of things. And she is also a very potential leader! Just that, well, its not that polished yet.

Christine Ong

Another Ipoh lang! She is the one who keeps reminding me of going back to Ipoh! Haha! Someone who is very confident in stuff that she puts her heart to. She may not appear as a studious girl, but her results seriously will give you a shock. Very open person who can talk just about anything! And she is always updating us of the recent news and happenings.

Esther Soong

A quiet girl at first, she can be rather noisy with us. Though she may seem like the softie type, she is actually quite hardcored and strong willed! Really excellent team player. Although she may seem very careless at times, she's still less clumsy than me. =]

Yvonne Lai

The oldest girl of the group! Nyeknyek! Someone who can make every sentence into a joke, and whose laughter will induce the rest of us. She does behave like the mother of the group sometimes, haha, but its for the good of all of us. Love you loads girl!

Szu Mei

I think this will be the longest description! Haha! You are so one-of-a-kind man. You have strong principles and beliefs of yourself that would not be shaken by anyone else. Also, you know what you are good at and know how to take control of the situations. Also, someone who is weirdly funny at times; every single situation you face can be turned into something special and funny that we can laugh about. Continue being yourself! Its just great having you around!

And to my classmates!

Same class for two sems. Gonna miss you guys alot! Do keep in touch okays!

And to all the friends I've made in 2010....

....I LOVE YOU GUYSSSS

Continue to keep in touch, and don't forget me!

Happy New Year!!

Birthday!!

2010-12-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah! I'm so happy. Currently left with one more test, and then its finals! And then, its goodbyes very soon *sobs*. Anyway, I'm making a very late birthday post. My birthday was last week, and I've reached the legal age! Well this year's birthday was very unexpected. First and foremost, I planned the president's meeting to fall on my birthday.

It went pretty well, but I still kept my birthday a secret. Even after Nicholas asked me to celebrate it there, I didn't want them to know. Somehow, I let the cat out of the bag, and Kai Xin got to know about it. She dragged me out to Summit, where we were supposed to watch a movie. But the timing wasn't right. Anyways, she got me a birthday present.

It's a guitar capo! And its not cheap. Thanks so much Kai Xin!

Then, the next day, I celebrated with my homies!
It was very shocking and surprising, and I really didn't know how to react. Especially when I was not prepared for it at all. Even when they started singing the birthday song, I didn't expect them to celebrate my birthday. >< How blur. Well, I must say its because I've never went through it before.

The cake they got me, choc banana!

Yes I know I look crappy here.

And I got another gift from them.

After that, my gang celebrated my birthday again! They tricked me into entering the discussion room in the library where they have sneaked in a cake and the gift!

Thanks so much everyone! It's been a very memorable birthday. So many unexpected people actually wished me (after I removed my birthdate from facebook). I didn't expect that many people to remember my date and wish me.

Well December is gonna end very soon, which marks the end of my Pre-U. I'm gonna miss the friends that I made this year so much.

Especially the five of them. We've gotten so close throughout the whole 9 months we were together. I'm still amazed at how they can stand my bad character. Although its only 9 months with them, I've learnt so much and gain more than I could ever imagine. Just having them sharing their lives with me is the greatest joy ever.

Well, I'll be doing a post very soon to mark the end of sem. For now, its back to accounts. Chiaoz!

Hello blog!

2010-12-01T20:54:00.000+08:00

Its December! Last month of the year and Birthday month. Today is exactly one month from my last post. That's how long I've been MIA here. Sighs.

Updates updates!

Plenty actually. I've completed 202938457484 tests and have 204847585895 more coming. LOL. Today, is the last day of MPW, meaning no more Moral and Malaysian Studies! I'm praying hard I pass this paper, no resits please.

Other than exams and assignments, there is actually no time left for anything else. However, being the lazy old me, I tend to keep things for the last of minutes to be done. Currently pending is the English Essay (8Dec), Econs and Eng presentation (15Dec) and homework. Two more tests next week, followed by another one more the following week. Pretty tight schedule ahead of me.

Well that's the current schedule I have. Will do a real proper update after the whole thing is done!

Thanks Theresa!

To do or not to do (Pt2)

2010-11-02T09:49:00.001+08:00

Well, I went against my own words. I did it after all. And there are consequences to it. Getting caught red-handed is one of the worst. I wonder what report my parents will get later. Totally ruining myself here.

Choices. Decisions. Consequences.

Screw you Moral Ed! So gonna flunk this sem.

Rants and rants

2010-10-29T19:23:00.000+08:00

Here I am, back to my blog. To rant. The last meeting is over. So glad. So thankful. Its saddening la how the meeting had to end this way.

Currently, I'm still very unsure of myself. Plenty of doubts creeping in. And with the committee in this situation, its not helping anyway. I still feel total lost, like a total failure. And in times like this, words of comfort don't seem to help anymore. I really need to express it all out to someone before its too late. If given another chance, and given the right people, I will want to do greater things in the history of ICF. I do hope it's not too late.

Thank God so far for the wonderful people around me, who are endlessly listening to my rant and who supports me in everything I do. Though the situation seems very bad, I am still glad that there are people around who can lend me a listening ear in times of need.

Shall sign off now without further rants.

Half month gone

2010-10-16T16:58:00.000+08:00

My blog is super dead. Its an irony how someone sitting for her STPM can update her blog more often than me who is not facing any major exams.

Photo of the day:

Jeanass!!

Speaking of birthdays, someone's birthday is up tomorrow! And I have not prepared a gift for her. Ah wells, I'll wish her a happy birthday here.

Happy Early Birthday Clara Tan!!!

May you enjoy your birthday and the days to come!

And not forgetting also,

Happy Early Early Birthday WAI!!

Signing out!

October's here!

2010-10-06T23:35:00.000+08:00

My blog needs an update. Badly. So here I am. Typing out. Waiting for the downloader to finish downloading.
Life is good so far. Am loving the company I have and the people around me. I'm just very scared that history repeats itself. No, seriously. I dont want that. It was bad enough in high school. I just need to learn to move on and stop repeating those mistakes.

I have two test scheduled for next week. Macro test and Math. Macro is so gonna kill me. gahbahblubleh. And I have not started studying! I've been thinking alot lately, partly its because of what I'm currently going through and partly its because I'm afraid of the future. It's scary yet tempting yet wanting.

Choices. Decisions. Consequences.

Seriously Mrs Lee should be very proud of me. I still remember that quote up till now. I need to be doing something, to change something to be able to look forward to a better future. The problem is, what?

Anyway, my sister is having PMR now and will finish in a week's time. After that my mum will be coming down alomost every week! So much for freedom. Sighs. It's good and it's bad. I'll end with a picture this time.

Love.Jealousy.Confusion.Friendship.Trust. Everyone faces them.

Maybe

2010-09-24T12:47:00.000+08:00

Maybe its all just a lie

Maybe I should just learn to let go

Maybe its too much for me

Maybe its too much for anyone

Maybe I'm being too pushy

Maybe too expecting

Maybe I should just try

Maybe I will try

Maybe just maybe

Maybe has possibilities also

Maybeness

Almost ending September

2010-09-21T21:06:00.000+08:00

I find that I update the blog more often when I'm emo, compared to when I'm not. Oh well. I have 4 more business questions for me to complete; to be handed in tomorrow but I forgot about it. And yes I FORGOT about it. I know I've changed. Alot. When compared to highschool, I would never be able to say I forgot my homework, unless of course I just returned from hols(like now, still in holiday mood).

I've learnt to prioritize, and sometimes, studies really don't come first. It's a bad example to follow, but its true at times. Lately I thank God for helping me through so much stuff, all the problems and the pain. How many times I have wanted to break down and cry, but I have to hold back. And I thank Him for that.

Honestly speaking, the greatest change in me is my language. I curse very easily nowadays, especially when I'm with my classmates. I try to control myself when I'm with ICF people, but its hard not to curse these days. Gotten so used to it.

Oh and the best change? I've found people to help me with my spiritual growth. I find that I can share almost everything with them, and its wonderful to have that feeling. It's like an extended family, to be able to talk to and spend time with. People who accept you for who you are, and help you in improving yourself.

And I must say, I tell my 5 friends more stuff than I would tell a friend of 3years. Maybe its this trust that bonds us. Maybe its because we just have that compatibility pattern in us. I'm praying hard that we will remain friends even after our course ends. =[

One major thing that has not changed about me? My pak kwaness. I am still that annoying and that kepochi about other people. However, I find that people here accept my careness and my trying to help situation more than people back there. When I was there, I got brushed off and even scolded for trying to help. Well, gotta learn to correct that.

Why am I updating such random stuff? It's because I've just gotten into a fight with someone. And I can't hold the dam and the pressure anymore. Letting it all go this time.

Yours truly,
Steph.

Driving #2

2010-09-04T17:52:00.000+08:00

I don't seem to understand why some people have no problem driving at all, but some people like me have a hard time fitting into the road system.

Most people like Jing Wen got a car immediately after getting her license, and she's been driving ever since, and not gotten into an accident or any misfit. For me, I've crashed a car twice, almost got into an accident once, and scratched cars umpteen times.

Just today, I broke the left mirror of my newly bought car! So sakit hati! It was my fault basically, for not estimating the distance properly and crashing it. Another driveway accident. Bah. I'm never gonna be parking in the driveway again.

Yesterday's journey to 1U was good enough to scare me out of my wits. Thank God for Bryan and Ian there, who helped me with my journey to and from 1U without making the situation worst. If not for them, I really do not know what would have happened in the car.

I guess I really have to be correcting my mistakes asap before I get into an accident again. So long for now. Will update when there's a need to..

A simple bus trip

2010-08-25T16:33:00.000+08:00

Sorry bloggie. Been abandoning you again. Well the main reason of me updating it here is because something happened today that will somehow change a small part inside of me.

As most of you may know, I commute to and from college by bus. The rapidkl bus which is never rapid. Everyone knows how I lament about the bus, waiting up to 2 hours for it. I guess I'm the most pathetic bus user ever.

So today, I didn't want to take the bus back. I arranged for my dad to pick me up at 5, which means I have to spend 2 hours in college doing nothing. Kieran suggested that I go wait for the bus, saying "who knows there may be a bus on its way here now".

In the end, he had to run to catch his bus. XD
I on the other hand sat down there, waiting. And well, I said the same prayer I always say, God, please give me a bus by an hour. If not, i'll take a taxi. Or walk back to wait for my dad. I said this over and over and over again, like some mantra kinda thing when suddenly something flashed in my head.

I don't know how many of you have read the story, but there's one story about a man trying to achieve something, and he could not achieve it all because he asked the wrong way. Like me, he was asking for what he WANTS from God, not what God wants to give him. Its like trying to put God through a loop.

So something asked me then, would you dare to test your faith for just this once?

I went on and said. Lord, I know you want me back safe, and I know you want me home quick. Can you please provide a bus for me so that I do not trouble my dad? You know what I want Lord.

At 3.10, 10minutes after waiting, and after 2 other buses passed me, my bus came.

=]

Praise the Lord!!

Update!

2010-08-07T00:07:00.000+08:00

Alrighty, I owe everyone an update. I wanted to update this after my exam, but was too lazy. Until now. First up, photos!

Yes, that is me currently. Now, I'm weighed down by important decisions and commitments in my life.

Next up, school vs college. muahaha. Sleep time. XD

Of Miracles and Wonders

2010-07-14T16:13:00.000+08:00

It's been a looong time since I updated. Well, I'll keep more post coming after my finals. So here goes one very miraculous incident that happened to me just a few days ago.

Monday, 7pm
Had this strange tingling in my throat, which signals that my throat was dry. I was used to it, because I had tonsil problems since I was young. Usually, this problem attacks me once a year, and it comes slowly. Like one day, I feel my throat dry. The next day, my throat will feel swollen. Somehow, I felt that the sore was getting worst and worst as time passed.

Monday, 8pm
Started fighting with my printer. Stupid printer could not print out my assignment. I felt some lumps in my throat, but kept on with it, ignoring the lumps. Swallowing became slightly harder.

Monday, 9pm
I feel my body becoming hotter. I have no idea why but I kept on with my work on the laptop. Felt urges for water along the way and I did drink up, but the lumps seemed to get worst.

Monday, 11pm
Body temperature rose up. I went to bed. Fan speed was at 2 and I covered myself with the blanket. Swallowing was laboriously hard. It was like my saliva had to go past a hump before entering my throat. Experience total dryness, and I lost my voice. Could not talk.

Tueday, 2am
After tries to get me to sleep, I slept quite well. The black cat woke me up from my slumber. After chasing it out from my room, I went and get a damp towel.

Tuesday, 4am
Still could not sleep after being woken up at 2am. Decided to call my mother. All I could say was "I gan tok".It was that bad. Speaking was hard because it involved swallowing also. The pain was unbearable. She knew immediately what was wrong. I could only answer her next questions with "Ah" and "Ugh". Can't even pronounce syllables well. Tried going back to sleep also.

Tuesday, 6am
I woke up, and realised that I've slept well for the past two hours. The pain was gone! Thank God! He actually healed me during that two hours. A pain like that would usually take a few days to recover. Still can't talk, but getting better now.

Thank God for it all! If not, I would not have been able to do my english presentation today also. Just praying for fast recovery!

Meows

2010-06-25T20:04:00.000+08:00

Tiger, Tiger and Tiger

Brown faced? Bro calls him Tom Cat.

Rascal! The naughtiest girl.

White faced! sorry about the red eye spot.

RASCAL 2! This one loves to fight and sleep more. LOL

Blogging mood!

2010-06-07T18:13:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I felt like blogging. LOL. Updates for the week. Busy busy busy. Wait.

Jeng jeng jeng. Look right! ---->

Everytime you visit my blog, do click on the ads.

Well, there's new pictures of the kittens. They are now hyperactive creatures that crawls all over the storeroom. The worst is when they start meowing. GOSH. Super noisy.

And and and, there's the CF committee. When I joined in the beginning, I somehow said that it would be wonderful if I would to be in the committee. Then recently, due to the changes in committee, Cally and Brian started asking weird questions. When is your last sem, when are you leaving. I should have seen it coming right, like when they asked me to come for the planning meeting. I summo went and ask Andrew if he received any message from CF, thinking that it was an everyone thing. Then yea Cally dropped the bomb, and asked. Thanks Christine and Jamie for the advise. I am really really thankful that I have you guys around.

After I told Cally I could join, the thought came into my head-secretary. I was like, nononono. I'm still a N-O-O-B. Nonono. Gimme something easy, like publicity. But the thought replayed over and over. Secretary. Secretary. And now, a few minutes ago, Cally asked if its okay if I were to take up the secretary post. Wow. I said yes, after that replaying got into my head yesterday. Honestly speaking, I am very very doubtful about myself. I hope that it will not end up like my high school CF, where everything became so cluttered in the end. If this is really YOUR will, then guide me through it and help me.

I'm actually amazed how time can really change everything. Take for example my senior, Jamie Leong. Back in high school, we were merely hi-bye friends. I knew her, she knew me, but we didn't know each other. LOL. Figure that out yourself.
Basically, I'll find her when I have jobs related to her, and she'll find me when she has jobs related to me. Other than that, we usually wouldn't talk. And in highschool, she was one of those people I was afraid to annoy. Maybe I felt insecure and scared being with her? LOL
I did know she got into INTI, together with Mindy. But what I did not expect was to meet her during orientation day. She suddenly popped out in front of me during games session. Just that day, talking to her, she admitted that she was not supposed to be there also. Somehow, we met, because of this coincidence. God really does wonders right?

Oh and I'm starting to slack again. Sighs. Have to start studying! Ciaos..

That is the question

2010-06-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

I rarely update this blog nowadays. Loads of work left to do. Somehow, when most people hit college, their blog becomes super dead. Take for example, Janna Wong. LOL. End of test 1. One more final paper to sit for next week; MPW. Reason it was postponed? Question was not ready. bah.

I wouldn't say i did very well this time. I got back only three subjects so far. Overall, it was ok. Econs was beyond what I expected, eng was way below what I expected. sigh. Gonna have to improve on that really really hard. Well, college tests are somehow not as strict as school tests. The main two subjects where people were copying are General Studies and Basic Computing. To copy or not to copy. For gns, the lecturer herself was telling out answers to the class, since the subject was so crappy, and since what was written in the paper seemed so ailen to us. I really do not know how she will grade us, since the paper itself was so crappy. Basic Computing. sigh. It was hard, reading the whole thick book and not bring able to remember a single thing. And worst still was when the questions was beyond my expectations. Well, the whole row was passing down notes and papers. I told them earlier that i do not want to copy. sighs. I remembered reading sabrina's post some months ago about the same issue. To copy or not copy. In the end, I did not copy. I still dunno how my result will be like, but I can guarantee that it will be an utmost crappy result, with me writing long winded answers with no points inside. Sighs.

p/s to those who may terasa, no I'm not condemning you guys or judging you people for copying. Like I said before, its a personal choice, so please do not misund. tq.

Next dilemma, to work or not to work. I might have to go back to Melaka this weekend. If i choose to work, I'd get RM5 per hour, but i get plenty of tiredness. If I choose to go back, I get excitement, and tiredness also. I can also choosed to stay here, and go out jalan with my sister instead. sigh. dilemmas.

Third dilemma. Should I go back to Ipoh on the 12th and 13th? If I go back, it'll be by train. And I have to come back by train also. But the problem is, Jia is not free. And I cant go out with guy friends without the presence of girls. sighsighssigh.

Choices, decisions, consequences. ~Mrs. Lee.

Aims for June

2010-05-28T23:07:00.000+08:00

Get a score of 80 and above for all test

Maintain CGPA of 4.0

Master guitar

Learn bass

Start swimming

Start exercising everyday

Drumming speed

Sighs

2010-05-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

You ask me to study hard and do well in exam. I did.
You ask me to apply for scholarships. I did.
But when I did not get it, you asked me why. I said I dunno.
And then you berate me and ask me why my richer friends can get but I cant. I said again, I dunno.
And now that I'm on full scholarship, you ask me why I have to do service hours. When I told you that it was in the tnc, you said you never knew and ask me to drop the scholarship.
You said I did not do housework. I admit I did not do.
And then you ask me why I am behaving like a grand princess, cooped up in my room, doing nothing. I think you really know why.
You say that I did not clean my room, and my room is in a mess. I said I did. But your perception of mess and my perception of mess is different.
You asked me why I did not do my laundry, I said I only do it on Mondays and Fridays. I then put everything into the washing machine and hanged it out.
Then, the weather changed and you asked me why I had to wash my clothes in that weather.
You ask me why I keep going online. I said I have assignments.
Then you ask me why I seem so busy when I should be free. I said only you think I am so free.
You scold me when I take a nap. But I've been on my feet the whole day, without you knowing.
You ask me why I am back so late, and why is there CF on a public holiday. I say I'm with friends, which is very very true.
And then you asked me about my spending. I said I spent very very little. I've only been spending it on groceries and food. I have not bought myself a single shirt since I came down here.
I do know that my dad's current pay has decreased. I do know that I have to save. But have you not thought of it from my view? I know that while you were growing up, you were poor. And you could not spend on all these things. But I'm a growing teen. I have wants to fulfill. I have needs also.
When you saw me repairing the bag, you questioned me about it. You even suggested sewing it up; but sewing it up only makes things worst. Then, when i was tying it up, you said that I should not be embarrassing myself with that kind of things. Then you asked me what was the best option. Obviously, it was to buy a sustainable new bag.
Then you said we were to look for a new bag, but you did not want it to be expensive. Sighs. Well, I'm really really grateful for the new bag. And I hope and pray hard that it will last long enough. I am seriously sincere in saying this, no strings attached.
When I asked you for drum lessons, you said no. I had to concentrate in studies. When I went for ymca lessons, you complained. After SPM when I asked for lessons, you reluctantly let me go. Now, when she asked for lessons, you say she could take it after PMR?

What else do you want from me?

Kittens

2010-05-23T21:45:00.000+08:00

Yea I know its a weird time to be blogging, or posting up anything. I should be studying, after wasting so much time today. Well, introducing

no not tau sah pneah

but tau sah pneah kittens!

Ain't they cute? Born on the 15th of May, barely a month old. Mata pun belum buka. Waiting for a few more days before they can start seeing me!

JPA failure

2010-05-21T23:04:00.000+08:00

I didn't make it for JPA. Was not chosen. Honestly, I was neither sad or happy when I heard the news. I was just plain numb. Until my brother made me realise the reason I was hoping so much for the result.

I wanna run

I wanna leave

I wanna run away

Away

Away

But running away is cowardly

I don't care

I want to run

How about your ego

My ego?

Its self fed

When I'm happy, its happy

But your strong, you can pull through

Strong?

Cut the crap

Enough of lies

I'm practically at my weakest now

I want someone

Someone to talk to

Someone to lean on

Someone to be with me as i cry

But

I won't get it

I won't have that someone

Life is unfair

All the time

See you're complaining again

No I'm not

I've accepted it

I'm okay with it.

Why run away?

Because I can't take it anymore

Leaving is the best choice

If there's one thing that you can do for your family, what will you do?

Run away, and never come back

Call me a coward

Call me whatever

I don't care

I don't want to face the mess

What happened to you?

What happened? You wouldn't wanna know.

There is one thing that I've been doing almost every week ever since I shifted down here.That is, crying.

2nd week of May

2010-05-14T18:57:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I posted something up, the last post is not counted. JPA result is coming out soon. Cheri asked me today about the result and I said I wouldn't know how to react to the result. Whether I get it or not, it's in HIS hands. I seriously have no control of it. But hearing rumours that it'll be out tomorrow, it really gives me butterflies.

Happenings of the week. I lost my front house door knob, as a result of my brother smashing through it because it could not be opened. That was Tuesday. Now its Friday, and a perfectly new door stands there. I just completed my english test yesterday. Completed 3 out of 5 of my assignments. Haven't started studying. ARGH! Well this blog is gonna be really dead until after all my exams.

Currently having health issues. Always feel my body temperature rising for no apparent reason. My eyes health is also not that good these days; will have to resort to spectacles for at least a week to monitor the condtions.

Since the start of May, I somehow am facing more emotional problems than usual. Sigh. I really don't know why. Maybe it's because of my surroundings. Well, have to start pressuring myself again, test are near. Pressure helps me let go of these emotions i guess.

trying to forget and forget the feeling. but if I finally force myself to forget the feeling, will I ever feel anymore?

Now that's something to think on. Back to assignments! Chiaos

Commonwealth Essay

2010-05-08T22:53:00.000+08:00

This is the third time already I looked for my essay. Really don't want to get it lost. This essay was written last year. There was a blog post regarding this essay also.

An Unexpected Friendship

The atmosphere in the police station was tense. The sound of the fan whirling above was heard, with creaks in intervals. A blinking light above looks down on a woman below, an Indian woman, sitting on the old and torn sofa placed in the room. A man was seen with her, walking up and down the room, never able to sit still. They waited, with anxiety, worrying and fearing, angry at the same time. A sharp clang is heard, as a grill shuts tight. A policewoman brings out a 10 year old boy, coffee-coloured skin, a mop of curly hair and big round eyes from the lock-up. Benjamin. The man and woman quickly paced to the counter. They took the boy from the policewoman. He looks up, saw his adopted parents but showed no emotions at all. His adopted mother, with hands outstretched, readily hugged him but with a defiant action, he pulled away from her. She was hurt. She was helpless and she was shedding tears. His parents signed the report at the police station and took him into their waiting car. ‘Take care of your son’ the policewoman shouted off from behind. Seated at the back, it was total silence all the way back to their home.

This is Benjamin’s third time trying to run away from the place he is supposed to call his home. The Ratnams, the middle aged couple who could not have children of their own, who were financially stable and with good education had adopted him from an orphanage in Batu Pahat. They understood that Benjamin, an abused child deprived of love and material, is defiant and dislike rules and responsibilities. Yet they had wanted so much to adopt him. They had visited the Sunshine Orphanage in the search of children to be adopted. Mrs Ratnam had never been convinced that she would be adopting children who are not of her blood. Nevertheless, the minute she laid her eyes on Benjamin that day, she was sure that this was the kid they wanted to shower love on. She was convinced that this was the child who would call her ‘Mom’ someday.

After two months of hard work, they finally got him out of the orphanage. This was Benjamin’s second home. His first adopted parents could not handle him and had to send him back. But the Ratnams vowed that they would not send him back against all odds. Since adopting him more than a year ago, life with Benjamin has never been easy. A life with him is only full of heartaches and headaches, a combination of tears and misery. Never has she felt peaceful or joyous during the span of one year living with him. He has been nothing but a nuisance to them. The trouble he has got into in school, the meetings with teachers on his misbehaviour and naughty antics and the mess he created has kept Mrs Ratnam busy enough. Among relatives, he refuses to acknowledge them. Instead he bullies the little ones, keeping up with his annoyance, pinching and poking them constantly. Mrs Ratnam is at wits end as to how to win the love of this child with whom she has grown to be fond of. They certainly are losing face and had many a times felt like giving up, but Mrs Ratnam, a strong willed lady, refuses to give up the challenge. She vowed to continue to work her way in being a friend to Benjamin although he has many a times rejected.

One night, after a strong disagreement with him, Benjamin stormed off into the night, slamming the door loudly behind him. He left the house filled with anger and hatred. As Mrs Ratnam watched him leave, she could not help herself, and broke down. As she sobbed and sobbed, she felt like giving it all up. Mr Ratnam consoled her and asked her to give Benjamin another chance. Giving in to him, she calmed herself down and promised to give Benjamin one more try. They then left the house in search of Benjamin.

They searched from house to house, in dark alleys and side walk pavements. Mrs Ratnam could not stop searching for him, or giving up on him, for she realized that her love for him was too deep, bonded deep within, buried within kilos of flesh. As they came nearer to a park at the end of the housing area, they saw a silhouette of a boy on the bench, crawled up into a fetal shaped position. At one glance, they knew it was Benjamin. They rushed to him, worried for him. How surprised they were to find him curled up and sound asleep on the bench, with a stray dog sleeping by his side. They wanted to wake him up, but decided against it. The dog, as if sensing the presence of adults, stood up quickly, growled at them, and ran off into the night. Benjamin stirred up and realized that his adopted parents were there by his side. Reluctantly, he followed them home without a single complain.

Things returned to normal after that with Benjamin being a pain in their side. They persevered on, determined not to give up. One evening, Mrs Ratnam watched a television programme, `Bonding with love’ using animals to bond with human beings. The programme caught her attention and she felt like it was God who had sent it to her at her lowest ebb. After discussing with her husband, they both decided that the best choice was to get a puppy for Benjamin as puppies are known to melt the hearts of children.

So, without hesitation, the Ratnams together with Benjamin visited a pet shop nearby their housing area. They were not sure if it would but they were willing to try anything available to mend and build their relationship with Benjamin. They want to reach out as his friends first and parents later. At the pet shop, they were greeted with noisy squeals of guinea pigs and hamsters, chirping of birds in cages, barking of puppies and the slithering sound of a snake! The stench that greeted them was just too much for Mrs Ratnam, who was never an animal lover at all. However, the look on Benjamin’s face was a different picture altogether. He lifted his head in awe at all the animals, squealed excitedly at the running of hamsters and smiled at the sound of the chirping of the birds. Then his eyes fell on a cute white puppy. He ran to it as though he had met up with an old friend. He started hugging the puppy and fondling it. The puppy in return barked delightfully and started licking Benjamin’s face.

Without realizing it, Benjamin pulled at Mrs Ratnam’s skirt. He enquired eagerly if he could have the puppy. She was on cloud nine, stunned and dazed at the same time. Never before has she seen him so happy, his face shone full with joy and eyes lit up in a glitter. Never before has he ever sounded so happy about something. He repeatedly cajoled her about the same puppy, wanting to have it as his pet. Completely elated, they gave in and bought the puppy for Benjamin. The puppy and Benjamin bonded. Benjamin was overjoyed and could not stop smiling. The joy and happiness in hugging the puppy were painted all over in Benjamin’s face. Mrs Ratnam felt positive for the first time since adopting Benjamin that she was doing something right. The Ratnams saw this as a beginning of an unexpected friendship between Benjamin and the puppy and possibly a better bonding beginning between them and Benjamin.

With his new found friend, Benjamin lives a more meaningful life. He gives his undivided attention to his puppy and spends his days playing with it. He has stopped making so much trouble in school, has learned to respect people older that him -his elders and relatives- and has learned to look at life from a different perspective. Now, every evening, Benjamin spends time with his new found friend, Sam the puppy. He is beginning to learn to love his parents just as his parents love him and his puppy also. He now realizes that the world is a lot more colourful and interesting with the presence of love. The response between parents and child is now just electrifying. With a pet, Benjamin is learning to love, to share, to be responsible and most of all to reciprocate the love given by his adopted parents to him. An unexpected and beautiful friendship has developed and bloomed in the once broken family.

2010-05-02T22:39:00.000+08:00

I'm supposed to be sleeping. yeap. sleeping. with my eyes closed on my pillow. I have 20 more minutes before I have to sleep, because someone is so concerned about my sleeping time; he would rather I get enough sleep than me finishing my homework.

GNS=0%, MS=0%, CSC=0%

okay that's just for records. plus, studying for upcoming exams,

ECO=0%, BIZ=0%, GNS=0%

and presentations

ECO=0%.

This entry might also be my journal entry, depending on how lazy I am. I just came back from well the CF camp. The camp was good, tho I felt very sesated there. There were alot of things that I did not know how to do. Plus, me being the youngest there does not help. I'll just skimm through the topics one by one.

Place: pretty good, did not expect a place in the middle of the jungle to be that good, minus the mozzies part out.

Food: freaking good. Like we were ordering from some restaurants only.

People: I must say I felt left out alot. ALOT. I'm not close to the people from subang, what's more nilai? Meet Phuiyan there. Nilai people are like a close knit family. They can do everything together. I thought Subang CF was close enough, but looking at them , we are nothing. It was hard mixing with them also la, coz I was always stuck with Swee Ling. =]

Hmmm. What else?

Overall, it was a good camp. Tiring yet relaxing. Should not have slept on the 2nd nite. Missed the fun. Sigh.

Well, chiaos for now. Got to start my homework..

One month in college

2010-04-21T08:26:00.001+08:00

Today is 21st of April. Exactly one month in college. Life's good. Stress's coming. Homework's piling up. Let's see. There's CSC essay. CSC questions, 30+ I guess. English myth to be rewritten. English journal, 7 entries left. Oh and I have not started my econs and business studies. Sigh

I've been under a lot of emotional stress lately. Jie say I've been putting too much pressure on myself. I say I have been slacking. Sigh. To add on to it I still have 35 hours of service with college. Did five yesterday. Thank God for kinder staff. WhenI went down at 12+ to meet the scholarship fella, she said not today. I was like what not today. Not doing any shifts today? It's five hours! I don't want to replace anymore. Then when we came down at 1, she wasn't there. So we pandai pandai go ask for work to do. LOL. Met plenty of people there. All from ALevels. And I met my old kindergarten friend there. The world is small eh? Well the reason for her turning us away? Because she was crying for God-knows-what-reason. I know I sound very mean. But seriously, if you ask for my opinion, I feel that she should seperate her emotions from her job. I mean, you don't expect so many of us to look for a replacement in a so tight schedule just because you were down. If not, well delegate. Get your friends to help find jobs for us. Or just let us go. Don't just chase us away. It maybe fustrating for you but its even more fustrating for us. Even I try to hide my emotions when amongst friends most of the times because I know it'll affect them. Sigh. Well, for whatever reason you're crying, I'm sorry. And I hope you get over it soon.

Talking bout management, this is the second time the management has made me mad. The first was when they cancelled the MPW and didn't inform us. I stayed back for four hours doing nothing. The second time was this week. On Monday, they shifted our business and general studies class without informing us. Thank God I met the lecturer halfway up the stairs. Then, on her advice we went and get the new timetable printed. In the new timetable, almost every other class ws changed. But not the business and general studies class on Monday. So on Tuesday we followed the new timetable. We as in my gang and some guys who found out. Then the teacher called us and said that there was no change of class for this week. It might start only next week. After that, some people went round asking who was it that told them to change the class.

Don't point your finger at me. I did not tell anyone that there was a change in econs class EXCEPT Pauline and Yuenn Shyan. AND I only told two IT students to check their timetable. So don't try to say that it was me who told you guys to go to the new class.

There. Finally let it all out. This is one emo post so if you don't want to read this, just skip it all and move to the bottom.

I'm slowly adapting to the college life. Go on your own, come back on your own. At home do your homework till 12am. Enjoying the freedom here. But, the main difference here is that every single work counts. It's not like highschool when all you need to get an A is to study like crazy. Here, every single piece of paper handed up is important. Every presentation has marks. Sigh.

And I have to improve on my english. I just realised that my english sucks! Can't even do simple grammer stuff. And have to learn more on narration.

Back to my CSC essay. Haven't started it also.. sighs

Chiaos..

POST 130

2010-04-18T16:16:00.000+08:00

I realise I've been very very lazy these days. Even to put up a new post. Have been slacking badly. Not studying. Growing fatter and fatter due to overeating. I will start making weekly and achievable aims. Although I still have my crazy high aims to achieve.
Thanks jie for the time spent listening to my rantings. Oh and happy birthday April babies! Too many to list out.
And this blog has been a wordful blog. Shall put a not so latest picture up tho..

Interview!

2010-04-09T21:02:00.000+08:00

Had my second scholarship interview today. JPA scholarship! Mine was in PICC, well I requested for Putrajaya. Didn't get to leave class early as expected. I'll talk about the presentation later. The place was really cool, huge building with wonderful and beautiful scenery and all. I arrived there at 1.30pm. Freaking early. Well, blur blur masuk the building, look here and there, until a guy actually said that there's a board to check the names. So I went there, and my dad helped my find my name. I was placed in panel 14, and my name was the first wan. Argh. Went upstairs to the lobby to wait. The lady said that at 2pm, they will call us in. BUT they only let us in at 2.40pm. sighs. I must admit that I was not scared. Somehow. I was sleepy, and bored, and anxious. But not scared. And then I heard people beside me talking, "Hey did you prepare and stuff?" "How will you introduce yourself" bla bla bla.. It really made me tension man.. When the time came to enter, I went in. And was greeted by another girl. What is the possibility of the girl sitting next to you be placed in the same group as you? 100%. LOL. My group was supposed to have four girls and 1 guy. The guy didn't show up.

So we went in, as asked by the urusetia. When I was sitting outside, waiting for my turn, I was anxious. And a little scared. But when I entered the room, I felt nothing. Seriously numb. Then the interviewers-2 guys, 1 lady- asked us to calm down and stuff and explained how the interview will take place. Then came introduction part. I was the first one. I actually asked them if they wanted me to do it in english or bm. Since they said use your preferred language, I chose english. It was pretty good, except that I was too fast. I didn't know they would be writing down my competitions and all. It seemed I had plenty at that moment!

Then came the questions. The BM one was 'Apakah aktiviti-aktiviti yang boleh dijalankan di sekolah untuk menjayakan kempen 1Malaysia?' I seriously went blank on this question. When the interviewer asked me to start, all I could say was the sekolah should mengadakan pertandingan-pertandingan like essay writing. And also group involvement should be very important in this pertandingan. It was so short! When I finished the guy stared at me and asked 'Habis kah?' Gah. I was so so disappointed at that time. Then when the fourth fella finished, I made up my mind to tambah. So when he said 'Siapa nak tambah lagi?' I put up my hand. Gagagaga. Then I crapped about some persatuan and kelab stuff and the guy went orh ya, ya.. Somehow, I started crapping and said something about Sejarah being so boring, that it should be made into a play and stuff. The lady suddenly looked at my result and said ' A+ untuk Sejarah, tapi kata boring'. Gosh.

The english question was easier. It was about some major environmental issues. But I didn't get to start first. Sigh. Now I know the perks of starting first. All my points were already taken by the other three candidates. When it came to me, I started of by saying some points that the 3rd fella missed. And then, I crapped. Pure crap. I started talking about water pollution, and some crappy oil islands, and I went on to carbon footprints. Somehow, I went into overfishing, and from there I talked about endangered species and extinct ones. Then I jumped to logging and building dams. Gosh. If I did type out my whole speech here, szumei would be laughing on the ground rolling away.

The interview ended at 4. I would not say I'm pleased with it, but I'm satisfied. At least, I did not have that tone of fear in my voice like the others did. Phew. Thank God for that.

And thank God for the interview this morning! Mr. Geenad didn't drill my group like he did to the first one. We even took a photo with him at the end of the class. When he approves me as his friend then I'll tag him in the picture. Till then, chiaos..

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T22:57:00.000+08:00

Have been wanting to blog these past few days. Somehow, whenever I buka the page, I lose whatever ilham is there. Oh well.

Off records, I spent 30 minutes looking for a RM1.50 newspaper today, spending petrol and money thanks to my bro.

Easter was...not so happening. Went for the presentation by CHC on Good Friday. Pretty awesome. And spent time bonding with them. Church was relatively quiet, except for a few presentations. There was a song which was really really meaningful. Can't rememberwhat's the content and stuff, but suffice to say, my saviour will be with me no matter what.

This brings me back to the issue that I've been facing daily. You have created much pressure and stress for me. I thought by running off to KL, I could run away from it. But I was wrong. It always was with me. Sometimes you have pressured me to the extend that I can't seem to make decisions according to my will and my want. You have not only affected my life, but my brother's as well. I have tried evading, tried running. Please please lift the grip of me.

Happy Birthday Gavin!

2010-04-03T01:28:00.000+08:00

Just got back from the awesome easter presentation by CHC. It was fun. And enjoyable. Finished at about 11pm. But got home only at 1am. LOL. First time I get to hang out with friends till so late(early) in the morning.

Anyway, it was about 12.30 when I looked at the receipt and realised its 3rd of April. ohmigawd. Forgot to wish the birthday boy. So, I'm dedicating this post to the birthday boy:

Gavin Loo Koon Kit

It has been my pleasure knowing you. May God bless you always, and keep up your good work!

p/s if you do not know who this guy is, you must bee way out of news man. LOL

CF-Laz meeting

2010-04-02T18:12:00.000+08:00

waited for that stupid @#$%^&*%$#@ rapid kl bus for 1 hour! took a cab back in the end. Stupid rapid. Get the buses moving lar!

Oh well back to the main topic. Today's the last CF meeting for this sem. Sad la. I've only attended two meetings and the end. sigh. A big farewell to Jamie Leong! Just met her back here. And then have to say goodbye already. Well, hope we'll be meeting more often before you leave!

All in all, it was fun. Except it seemed that there's not much semangat in it. High school CF and college wan has a big huge difference. Somehow. oh well.

Gotta finish my dinner. Cooked maggi mee=]

Going out to CHC later with Jamie and gang. chiaos.

Thank God

2010-03-31T18:53:00.000+08:00

My 125th post. And all I can say is thank God for it all. I've finally been able to maintain my class, being in class A with most of my friends. Although there's only 4 out of the 6 here. Tomorrow's the start of the new timetable, also april fool. How ironic. Sigh. Praise God!

KIV

2010-03-30T16:44:00.000+08:00

I'm on the KIV list. Supposed to find the HOP and PO tomorrow. Only praying for the best. Well...

It looks like I'm the only one now who has not accepted the class yet. Everyone has already submitted to the new timetable. sighs. the WHOLE class is gonna hate me for delaying the days. Praying real real hard i get into class A. Please please please...

Class change!

2010-03-29T19:24:00.000+08:00

I'm so not happy with the INTI administration. WTF man. If they expected a huge crowd for the foundation program, why didn't they provide two classes from the beginning? Today the HOP came into class and announced that he'll let us choose if we want to change. In the end, no one wanted to change. So we had 'lucky' draw. And I was 'lucky'enough to get chosen for that damn class. The math's teacher's changed. So is eng, general studies and business studies. Now I have to go home at 6 four days a week! Oh crap. I really really need someone to trade with me. Anyone wants the B class? Please please please change. My CF's also affected ad.. sobs..

Melaka trip

2010-03-27T23:45:00.000+08:00

So I actually did nothing throughout this whole trip. Except for completing my assignments in the peaceful and quiet house. Basically, I went down to get my bro's aircond repaired. He's car was pracically an oven, due to the spoilt copressor. And the worst part was he didn't want to come back to Subang to fetch me! So I had to take a bus or ktm to Midvalley. I took the bus, to save my money. Left the house at about 4.30pm. Came home late actually because of CF. I only got a bus at 6.50 pm. WTF. It wasn't peak hour and I guessed the drivers were all taking their breaks and stuff. bleh. Didn't go around visiting as planned also, coz his car took so long a time to finish. Now finally get to take a rest. Hopefully I won't sleep in church tomorrow. There are photos, but too lazy to upload here. Nid my slumber..

Oh, and I realised that my brother actually loves me alot! woot woot! Thank you so much gor!

Life in KL

2010-03-23T15:44:00.000+08:00

It's only the second day in college and I've made so many mistakes. The first one was yesterday. I came back by my own yesterday as I finished early. There was an optional stuff and all. Being the first time taking the bus, I didn't know where to wait. I thought the bus would stop outside Metro. It didn't. I literally chased two buses before I realised the bus stop was way up in front of SJMC. Waited for another 45 minutes before I colud get a bus. Bleh. Behaved like a real sorpor crossing the road up and down.

So, walking down into the taman, leaving the bus, a thought struck me. I had no keys. Great. I forgot to bring my keys out. I had to climb into my compound like some pencuri betul. I won't elaborate on how I got in wait some freak reading my blog decides to break into my house, I would be in big trouble.

Then, it started raining and I was rushing to take in my laundry. Put my foot back and it feel straight into the longkang. The sole of my left leg became swollen and my bone got pulled. It's still painful.

I think the worst was today. I took the correct bus to college but didn't know where to stop. So it went on and on until I saw it turn into the Federal Highway. Uhoh. Im in trouble. Messaged my brother, kept praying and asked the bus driver. Stopped at Asia Jaya and managed to take a bus back. I spent at least an hour on the bus. My, you wouldn't know how scared and worried and terrified and panicky I was. Thank God through it all. I almost reached my class late. And it was MATHS! A subject I can't miss. By God's grace, I got there at 1045. Phew.

And it was during maths that I realised that my timetable was the wrong one. Which means I missed the econs class in the morning. Great. Have to go find that lecturer.

So after lunch, we decided to go find him. After all the clerk said to come back at 2. Went to the lift and saw that it was full. Damn crowded. Why the heck is everyone using the lift at 2pm? Clever me suggested. Let's used the stairs. I regretted it. Pulled myself up all 8 floors. Phew. In the end we didn't even meet him! Wasted effort. Must go find him before the next class.

Here I am now typing on my desk. Feeling so very very tired. Legs aching like anything. Heel start cracking again. My pimples are coming back, not because of the stress but because of the heat.

Lesson to be learnt-pray in every circumstance. That's the best. Thank God for helping me time and time again. Like the kind bus driver this morning and friendly stuff..

Don't be afraid to ask. You'll regret later if u don't ask.

On the bright note, I got my library stuff done. And my scholarship too. Somehow asking made work simpler for me. Now I still have that input assignment to finish. Chiaos..

Orientation

2010-03-19T20:21:00.000+08:00

Yup went to college today for orientation. Got back only at about 5 plus. It was very very tiring but fun! We started off with speeches and introduction by the fellow counsellors. Pretty boring, but managed not to sleep. LOL. Thanks IMAY for showing me around. Love ya. Hope to see u more often..

Next on was a briefing of the course where we were seperated into different classes followed by a tour in the library. The library's awesome! Head for lunch. Well had to wait for the rest coz my group finished the briefing the earliest. After that I had to take my photo and stuff for the ID. Bleh. Wonder how I look. Didn't even get to see my face. Still trying to look for the random person I met during photo taking.

Anyway, we had games next. It was not as cruel as school station games, but somehow we were not prepared. And it's a different spirit altogether. My group was the best. =D

I'm so so so tired now, yet still hogging the line..XP. Don't want to part from the internet so fast. Need to sleep early tho, if not will have big huge panda eyes soon..

Oh and no pictures yet. Coz my phone bluetooth is giving me lots of problems now. sigh..

Makan

2010-03-17T22:30:00.000+08:00

My family went to the steamboat restaurant today. Supposingly to celebrate my result. Flaming Steamboat Restaurant in Sunway. Must say that the seafood there is good. Don't have much time on the computer. Have to hand it over to my sis soon. Bleh.

p/s bro said that I was suppose to exit the LDP not the Federal H. confusing roads of KL. Need to learn it up!

Driving #1

2010-03-14T14:19:00.000+08:00

Today was the first time I drove in KL. Thanks to my brother actually. And today it was the first time I was so so so close to get an accident. Like maybe an inch close.

Thanks to my brother's baik hatiness, he allowed me to drive home from church; even though I don't know the road. Driving with him, I would say its fun. He doesn't go like my parents does when they try to 'teach' me. He goes 'slow down, change gear', 'don't need to speed, stay this lane'and so on. My mum and dad would scream at me when I try to drive my way. So, everything was going smooth, keeping to my lanes, signalling and changing gears(ugh). Somehow I still can't seem to change gear fast enough. Then I was exiting the Federal Highway, it was a sharp left turn. He goes 'slow, then change gear, then turn'. Somehow, I didn't seem to see the turn. Then I was slowing down, and struggling with the gear, and the turn was there already! *swerved around immediately* I went into the oncoming lane, met the car coming, and stopped suddenly. It was like only an inch apart. *starts reversing* Careful, the rapid's behind. Stop first. *switch on hazard lights* Thanks God no one came down and scold me or threathen to smash my car or something. If I did really kiss the car I'd be in big big big trouble. The car left, he could edge through the side somehow. Had to wait for the rapid to leave, and a car or two behind. Then I edged into the lane again. I must say it was pretty shocking. And shockingly enough, I wasn't scared or panicky. I could still think straight and started reversing and all. Phew. Thank GOD!

Well this was supposed to be about my brother's church. LOL. Church was good, although I was the usual shy me. Hopefully I can fit in. It's real huge. Like a shopping complex itself. Praying for the best of life in KL!

Result day!

2010-03-11T19:50:00.000+08:00

I marched into the battlefield
without a piece of armour on me
all I had was a rank on my shoulder
and plenty of courage welled up in me

I was brought into camp
I had training to begin
Alone I was not
for friends were aplenty

Nevertheless this was a different battle
where friends and family did not matter
its not about might or books
but about endurance and perseverance

Seperated into different classes we were
differentiated by the choice of our school
but we were all equal indeed
starting from the same point

Slowly I learn
through hardship and teachings
working my way up the ranks
to be one of the best

At times I do stumble
And weep when I fall
But I pull myself together
For the need of survival

A full fledged warrior I am now
Awaiting my times of trial
I have fought battles and wars
To prepare myself for this last one

I braced myself ready
Praying to my God Almighty
then off I go into battle
armed with everything I have acquired

How long the battle lasted
I do not know
Only looking forward
to the day when it's over

I braced myself through the last of days
putting every bit of my strength into it
Though exhausted
I'm never giving up

Now that the battle's over
I can stand tall and proud
yielding my sword and my shield to my side
standing at the end of the battle

A smile comes across my face
happy that I've accomplished it
though there are plenty of wounds on me
I have triumph in this race

I came here with nothing
But left as a warrior
I have done my best
and am very glad of it

I have fought a good fight
I have finished the race
I have kept the faith

***

I wrote this last night just before bedtime, because I could not sleep. LOL

It was a very very hectic day for me. Some more they released the results so late. We got it only close to 11. I won't be posting my results here. If anyone wants my school's statistics, go view the school blog.

After results today I rushed to the bank, to make my claims and stuff. Then had to go laminate and photostat so banyak stuff. Then rushed to school again to submit my LCCI stuff. Later had to call all my teachers. I didn't disappoint most of them; AiLing seemed very happy.XDD But I think Mr. Loi is very upset with me. He expected me to get better results, with so many V4 girls getting A+.. oh well. Then had to go back to the bank again. Came home I slept terus for 1 hour+

What can I say bout my results? Thankful I guess.. So here, I want to congratulate some people who did real well.

First of all.. Chan Wai Yee

Congrats dude! Top scorer of the school with 11A+.

Next, the girl who couldn't wake up this morning... Miss Luei Jia Qi

So proud of you. Got straight A's.XDD

Thirdly, my jie!

Congrats for not failing your Chinese! I'm not being sarcastic here. But that seriously is an improvement. LOL. Stop merajuking kay.. sighs.

Well so far I have not found anyone getting A+ for BK. Anyone out there with A+?

Dedication to friends

2010-03-10T19:48:00.000+08:00

NS first batch is over! Tengah SS here though.. lol

As promised, I'll dedicate this whole post to my friends, who have been with me and helped me through my whole stay in Ipoh.

First and foremost, I want to thank my dear dear sister-

Chan Kay Lynn

No picture to upload. Well, she has always been someone whom I can fall on whenever in trouble. She is the one who has dull confidence in what I can do, eventhough most of the time I do doubt myself. Thank you for everything!

2. My yang yang and my jie
Let's start with my yang first.

Well, we only became close in form 5. We met in form 1, and plenty of things happened between us all the way through form 4. I really thank God for you! Your presence has brought me lots of comfort actually. Somehow, I can just blurt out everything to you. And though your sarcasm hurts sometimes, it is true nevertheless.. All I can say is thank you for everything and I do love you!

Jie!

I think it's barely a year since we met eh? But seriously from your rival to your mei in a few months? I never knew we could get so close. You are one good JIE! Keep it up! woot woot
Go chase after your pretty girls. Don't disturb my handsome guys..XP

3. Kirsten

Also no picture. Although I'm not that close to you, and although you're never gonna read this post, I still want to thank you for all the time we spent together and all the time you've been with me. It's not much, but it still is valuable..

4. My two younger 'brother's

Danny and Yew Ken!

Well, they're not exactly my 'brother's but I actually treat them like one, so yea. Take care and do your best for SPM! God bless!

5. My chinese teacher

Matilda Ann Rita Martin a/p Fedric Martin

Thanks for all the time you spent with me, be it for crapping or talking bout guys, or just giving you heart attack with my pinyin XP

Well, I can only write 6 characters so far. So I'd say you've done a pretty good job!

Last but not least, thank you to all my friends who have been with me throughout my stay here! I know it wasn't really enjoyable, but it was actually worth knowing you people!

Result day is tomorrow! Freaking nervous+anxious+scared these few days. When all these emotions add up together, you somehow end up feeling numb in the end. That's how I feel now. I remember when I took my PMR result, I expected to cry, or laugh, or do something silly. Instead all I did was to stare at the results. I couldn't even smile. Same thing happened last year when GB lost in sports. Gah.

I think this is the most powerful verse now..

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

p/s thanks!

My life in Ipoh

2010-03-08T22:33:00.000+08:00

Well since I'm leaving soon, and I might not have time to do this post later, I shall do it now. Its been five years plus since I moved to Ipoh. I reached this place on 11 Dec 2004. There's a specific reason why I remembered that date actually, but it's not important. I still remember crying the night before I left, scared to move into a new place and afraid of everything else. I was also missing my friends dearly.

Then I stepped into this place, started high school here, and settled down. For these 5 years, I've been calling Ipoh my second home. Okay, I'll give some honest views about this place. For starters, I really don't like Ipoh. Somehow. There's just a part of me that don't fit in here. I don't know why. When I first came here, I had the impression that the people here were cold and unfriendly. That impression is still with me actually, though some people have proven it otherwise. Secondly, I've never liked Ipoh food. People keep telling me that Ipoh food is so great and delicious and yadayadayada. And I'll answer what's so great? Melaka's better.XP But well, all it takes is just adaptation.

Changes I've seen in me
Before coming here, I was a major perfectionist and selfish brat. I'll try to get the things I want. I'll go all out to make things happen the way I want. That's the reason for the chosen date also. Reason was, I wanted the Melaka address on my IC. So I asked my parents to extend the leaving date till 11 Dec. Proof of my perfectionism. I still have that 'perfectionist' strand in me, but it has mellowed down now. I learn to let go of things that I know is impossible to get. One huge major change in me was my was of expressing things. Back there, I would express myself anyway I like. Laugh when I feel like it, cry when I'm sad. Yea I was a crybaby back then. But somehow, when I came here, I changed. I learn to stuff the feeling inside of me instead of showing it out. I don't display what I feel on my face and actions so much. It's good in some ways but bad in other ways. The feelings get penned up inside, ready for explosion. It was only towards the end of my schooling life that I actually let the volcano out, bit by bit.

I've had my fair share of experiences here. Making new friends, fighthings, disagreements, happy times etc etc. Well, I'll still say I do not know the exact reason the Lord has put me here, but whatever it is, it was worth the time.

I've done plenty of crapping today. When NS breaks camp, I'll do a post specially dedicated to my friends..

New baby

2010-03-03T12:00:00.000+08:00

I'm now blogging from my new laptop-Dell Inspiron 14. Though it's not really what I expected, I'll just have to get myself used to it, since my mum's budget was only RM2k.. Getting used to Windows 7 and a smaller screen, since my home computer and my brother's screen is 19". Lot's of loading to do here..

Post 113

2010-02-22T21:15:00.000+08:00

I did it again today. Everytime I go out shopping with my mum these days I tend to carry my wallet around. I usually don't bring my purse out last time, just a few notes. Everytime I do that, I have the tendency to spend. I used to be a kiamsiap person. Somehow with the new year, I take care less about how much I spend. Before this it was for small and tiny stuff-guitar picks, handphone deco. But today, it really burned a hole in my purse. I spend RM50. On two books. I've been wanting the books for ages and kept failing to find it in usual bookstores. Somehow when I entered MPH today, I had the urge to go to the 'TEENS' section. And I saw those books. Castle in the Air and House of Many Ways. There goes my last RM50. Sigh. So much for the new note. I need to work more to cover up for my expenses..sobs..

Worship!

2010-02-20T19:57:00.000+08:00

Well I haven't been updating through out CNY, basically because my CNY was just like any mundane holiday. I balik kampung last week, thus missing the class reunion and Jia's BBQ party..sigh. Hopefully they're back before I leave for KL. I'll be leaving Ipoh on March 12, sem starts on March 22.

Well back to the topic, I had worship practice today. If you're wondering, yup it's the first time. Only a back up singer. Then the drummer came late and I volunteered. Gosh. That was the biggest mistake I ever made. Throughout the whole practice the leader kept explaining to me how he wanted it and all, like I was an idiot..wait..because I was an idiot. Maybe it's fear and inexperience coming together, I just couldn't play anything properly. craps.. I really sucked today..huniliated myself all the way. And just for record sake, everytime I seem to do something humiliating, whether in church or in a combined meeting, this particular guy will be there. I won't mention him, but he knows who he is. Already I can't get along with him..sigh. Wonder what his girlfriend will think when he tells her bout what happen.. I'm sure she'll message me tonight and laugh her heart out..

Craps..don't you even think of that you girlfriend-of-that-guy! No blogging bout me!

Work day 2

2010-02-11T21:03:00.000+08:00

Work was fun today! Not that hectic as it was on Monday.. Maybe because it's mid week. Anyway, I still havent completed my "Things to do". Sigh. Crack head crack head. Will be leaving for KL tomorrow.. hopefully can meet up with a few friends before I leave.. And I certainly hope to hack my brother's line there. Pray hard that he's laptop has been repaired..

p/s your screw for the 4th string is freaking loose! You'll have to pay me to get that repaired..

Things to do

2010-02-10T20:26:00.000+08:00

1. Create a bridge for Siew Tong's song
2. Come up with a formation for the GB marchers
3. Buy the guitar pin quick
4. Pack bags!

Guitar experience

2010-02-09T20:35:00.000+08:00

So I was in Stat Mart today when I saw they sold guitar strings. Decided to change the strings then, well like Timothy (Mat's bro) said my (brother's) guitar string's are rusty. So bought a set of strings for RM4.50.
So of course I didn't bertindak melulu. Instead I got help from a pro:Siew Tong. So here was how it went.

Me: How to change guitar string?
Siew Tong: Your guitar acoustic or classical?
Me: Huh? Got difference meh?
Siew Tong:Acoustic is with 6 steel strings while clasiccal is with 3 nylon and 3 steel.
Me: Oh. Acoustic one.
Siew Tong:Loosen the strings 1st
Me: *starts loosening the first string*
Siew Tong:Pull out the pin
Me: *struggles with the pin*
Siew Tong:Put in the new one at the bridge first
Me: *sticks the wire into the hole and tries to plug the pin back*
Siew Tong:Then only you put in into the machine head. Leave some to ease the tension when you tighten it.
Me: *starts tightening screw slowly*
I was actually afraid the pin might give way and the wire would jump up on me.
Siew Tong:Cut the excess. Don't tune first. Finish all only tune.
Me: Okay. *searches for a cutter*
I did the first string. I was so happy. (literally). So I started with the second string. I did the same thing. I loosen the screw, loosen the strings, and started fidgeting with the pin. And then the worst expected thing happened. The pin

broke!

The head gave way and the body got stuck inside the hole; with the string still stuck inside! I tried and tried and tried to get the half body out and after several unsuccesful attempts, I got the broken body out.A view of the holes.I really have to go to Ebony tomorrow and find the spare parts. If not, I won't have a guitar to practice on..See? The strings are all nice and shiny already. Except for the empty hole.

Sigh

Work day 1

2010-02-08T20:55:00.001+08:00

Phew. Its almost 9 now and I've just taken my dinner. Had work today. It's a part time job. Basically its data entry. Type till my fingers all numb ad, and yet still can't compete with the other's speed. Freaking tired now. Wanna do less typing and more gaming. Chiaos..

Passed

2010-02-05T22:19:00.000+08:00

So I passed my driving test today=] Not with flying colours tho, but just enough to make it through. Saw Weng Rock in the morning also. He had to repeat his 'jalan raya' part. I don;t think he saw me tho. So the license came just in time. Right before CNY. Now I'll have a chance to steal my brother's car..nyeknyek..you better watch out.

Chinese New Year is well in a week or two. As usual, I don't do much preparation. No painting the house red or fancr dresses(like as if I wore dresses). Just that I actually hope to spend a day or two longer in Ipoh this year, to meet with those NS trainees before I vanish off. Hopefully will have the chance to. sigh

Have to sigh off now. Time on computer's up..

I hate the way my heart beats when I think of you. Have to find a way to stop it..

4th Feb

2010-02-04T20:51:00.000+08:00

Well time pass so quickly. Sigh. Tomorrow's my driving test. Dunno what to expect. The trial round that I went for was bad. The fella say I 'brek secara mengejut' and 'tiada kelancaran gear'. sighsighsighsigh. Only can hope for the best. Went back to school today to train the GB marchers. And they were bad. Real bad. Still stuck at simple drill. Hopefully yinyin will be able to make the best out of it. I'm surprised teachers like Puan Lin still remembers me, although she thought me only in form 3. And my guitar playing is way out these days. Bleh. Stupid shorty fingers. Have to put extra time into it. Hopefully I'll be able to write out and play the song playing in my head these days. So much for the update. Nothing but mundane and boring life these days..

p/s will I be able to see you when you break from NS?

Filling in time

2010-02-03T21:24:00.000+08:00

Been dabbling with song writing. Bleh. Didn't know I was that bad. I seriously suck in almost everything I start. Life, relationships, you name it and mostly all are failures. Gah. Maybe something personal will help? Will try something else next time. Forgive and forget?

2010-02-02T19:43:00.001+08:00

You had better delete the photo before I slice your head off! As long as the photo is there, I'll continue ignoring you!

Post 101

2010-01-31T21:25:00.000+08:00

Yeah.. my 101th post. Was stumbling through websites just now and found this..

..fears. Do I have alot of them?

Thanks for your concern, calling me even though you're in NS. You're a good friend. And a good 'jie'.

Work Done!

2010-01-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

Last day of work! Got my pay today. Not gonna tell how much. Suffice to say, With a little top up, it'll be enough for the new phone I need to get.. Then some jerk came and took a ghostly picture of me. BAKA. You better delete the photo! Eyes getting so so heavy here.. Summore dunno what's the problem with blogspot. So hard to sign in..

I want to disappear
I need to disappear
Forever
Embed the memories here
Disappearing act is all I need..

End of month..

2010-01-28T18:12:00.000+08:00

Time flies real fast.. Its already the end of January.. Well I don't know if I made the right decision in quitting, but what is done is done.. I felt so guilty of just leaving like that. Thank God they found some replacement already. Through this job, I realize what I actually know about myself, but yet dare not accept- I'm not good with kids. A little is okie, but plenty of them kills me. So since I'm leaving, I'll blog bout my usual day at work. Before that, let me introduce..
from left: Daniel Ong, Jared Lai, William Tai and Liew Yi Shiean

They may seem cute, but they can be really annoying at times. Three standard 2 kids and 1 Std 1. I'll let u do the guessing..

7.30am
Reach there. I'm not the earliest tho. Daniel is always there first. Waiting with his bag outside the door.

8.00+am
The second kid arrives. Jared Lai. The other two come at varied times. Sometimes early, sometimes late.

9.00am
Breakfast time..

And the crazy things they can do..
Other than that, its work, work and work..

11.30am
Bathing time. Pictures not here la of course.. Have to send them one by one up. Worst is the youngest one. Can take up to half an hour to bathe.

12.50pm
Send them to school. On Fridays its later. Almost got into an accident today. Phew. Boys...

The hardest to teach is William actually.. The fact that he doesn't understand even the simplest BM words. Yi Shiean on the other hand is pure STUBBORN.

Well, I also got to know some kids.. This is the one I spoil the most..
Lee Zhi Qing.. I think. Not so sure of her name. She's freaking cute. And also newly gother ears pierced. Well she sort of created some trouble a few days ago, so now she's in the naughty kids group- They can only enter after their teacher sorts out the other students.

Tomorrow's my last day there.. I don't really know if I'll miss them, but well I don;t think they'll remember me either.. Come February, I'll get myself ready for KL life!

Can I learn to trust you when I can't even trust myself?

Third week of Jan

2010-01-19T19:48:00.000+08:00

its already the third week of January. Time flies really fast. Somehow, I just don't have the mood to update my blog, even though I'm so very free now. Lazyness catching up on me..

Well, I've started my drum lesson and guitar lesson=P. Thank God my mum allowed me to take the class..even though for only two months.. Pathetic I know, but better than nothing at all.. Fingers aching now trying to get the chords correctly..ugh. Short fingers are a disadvantage..

Currently completed 6 hours for my driving already. Hopefully can take the test by next week.. Gosh. This is the second time I got cut from the LEFT side by some unreasonable driver. I just don't understand why they can't obey the rules and overtake from the RIGHT. Good thing my instructor noticed it. If not, I sure would have slammed into his car..

Very bored here..There's lots of things that I'm suppose to complete.. but, as usual, I'll procrastinate..

Lengthen the time needed to do a simple task..

Trying to not waste time..

Praying for the best for now..

Signing off before I crap some boring unwanted stuff here..

Updates

2010-01-10T19:13:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm bored here. sitting on the computer with nothing to do. Regret somethings done and regret not doing somethings. sigh.. that's life. So anyway, like the title says, I'll do a little update of what I have done and not done so far..

Baking
I've made
-peanut butter cookies
-cinnamon cookies
-cheese cookies
in the past week. By far, the peanut cookies was the worst. It was the stickiest and most oily. Will never never make them again.

Movies
So far I've watches Ponyo only. Reason of watching? It was directed by my favourite director, Hayao Miyazaki.

It was okie, though not much oomph value. FYI, it did not reach Malaysian shores. Currently watching coraline, also not in Malaysia.

Gotta sign off before my finger hurts..

One week from jan

2010-01-09T20:12:00.000+08:00

Just came back from YMCA. First meeting of the year today.. My fingers are aching as i'm tapping on the keyboard here. Thanks to attempting chords today. Well, all I can say is I have to work harder if I want to play guitar after 3 months.

To sum up this whole week, it was okay overall. The job was good, although there were some hiccups during the week. Will be doing this job for at least 2 months, so have to learn to like it.

Well, back to baking now.. my current obsession

=]

School's starting

2010-01-03T21:24:00.000+08:00

A great way to start the new year. First case happened yesterday. Guess what. I cut my finger while opening a tin can. What the heck! I've been opening tin cans since i was like 10 years old and never got a scratch from it. But this? The scar's healing but the heart isn't. sobs. How could I ever be so careless?

To add to the insult, I searched high and low for my guitar pick today, my present from Jia. My search led me all the way to the back of the house, but I still can't find it. I'm only praying real real hard that God can do a miracle and let the pick appear suddenly. I know this is impossible, but who knows? If only i wasn't so careless..argh

And today, the firefox wouldn't start. Who knows what happened to it.. Using ie now, which is sucky. Have to empty the computer fast just in case there is a virus lurking there.. Just when i get to use the computer...

I prefer going to school actually, not so sluggish at home. Now all i do at home is eat, sleep, grow fat and occasionally go online.. Thinking of extending my computer hours also (of course with permission)

Tomorrow school starts, which means i start work too.. Praying for the best of it, that i may be able to handle 30+ 7 to 8 year old boys.. Hope to slim down running after them..haha.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T21:24:00.000+08:00

My first post for the year. woot woot. New year resolutions? Be a better person. it's the same one every year..haha. So, a review of 2009 eh, since everyone is doing one..

Friends
Okie on the overall, had less misunderstandings this year i'd say. Friends were good on the overall. Somehow, I chose to be Jia's deskmate this year. It's a fresh change. From constant bickering, we becamr close friends, real real close. Now we're really inseperable. And she's leaving for NS! All the best, Jia.. Had some problems with close friends, but yeah. Thank God for solving it all. Over with the bad side, I got to know loads and loads of people. Ironic somehow, being in the same school for five years, but only knowing them in form 5. Nevertheless, they were good and thank God for it all.

Relationships
No, not boy girl stuff. So far not involved in any yet, well, hope to get one real soon :P.. It was good, getting to knows my dears better throughout the year. I only have 2 kay, so no condemning.

School stuff
Over with it, really forgotten it all already.. how my brain can do wonders. Early of the year, I was still worried bout positions and koku marks. Now, all i ever care of is getting my job done well.. Just hope that GB and CF will continue to excel, after all the troubles and problems that we were going through the whole year..

So, laying down all my troubles and worries and whatever crap stuff else. Starting afresh, anew. After all, it is a new year! New hope, new life, new place in society. I'm leaving all bad memories be\hind and starting a new new life!

falling for someone i should not fall for..

Avatar

2009-12-30T20:23:00.000+08:00

Hey bloggie, I'm back! well, at least for now. Went to watch avatar today in GSC Ipoh Parade.. Good movie I'd say. Very sweet. Well, at least for me. The person beside me kept on fidgeting and moving, complaining it was boring. You know who you are dude..

I've gotten myself a job today.. daycare centre in Wesley. will be 'pengasuh' for standard 1 and 2 kids from ACS, who knows, i may meet old friends also.

Very brief updates from me these days, getting my L on mon. Well, its basically because i've got nothing much to update on. Chiaos for now, game waiting..

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T21:24:00.000+08:00

It's christmas eve.. time flies really fast. Beginning of this month, i was still struggling through my accounts paper, and now, its almost time to say goodbye to 2009. I have not really decided on what to do for the next 3 months, but i just pray hard that i would not be wasting my time. Among things possible to get done:

1. Work- kumon teacher? still waiting for a reply
2. Attend chinese class- I'm a banana. so my mum has suggested sending me for classes
3. Attend music classes- drum? guitar? still cant find suitable teachers
4. Camps-only know of yes school and some long bible camps. not my cup of tea

so, i've been doing some self search and self discovery these days. i still feel that i don't know myself enough yet. i used to be a perfectionist. giving 100% in everything. where has my character gone to? why am i in so much doubt these days?

i find also that i lose trust very easily these days. in people around me and in all circumstances..i get pissed off easily over things i should not get angry about, i get jealous easily and regret most of my actions later..

well, i know i'm not perfect at all. in fact, im one of the most imperfect person ever. i can only pray hard and ask that He will change me from within..

Lord, help me to change according to your ways..

Back in M'sia

2009-12-22T21:59:00.000+08:00

well, it's good to be back in Malaysia, tho i missed the weather there... 17 deg there.. if only it would be the same here

anyway, i'll talk about my trip later as there are pressing matters for me to decide. one of it is my future place of study. only left with two choices now..

1. INTI Subang
I'll be doing foundation in business here for a year, followed by accounting degree for 3 years. total cost around RM80000 if i don't go overseas.. i'll get 8 ACCA exemption but will have to complete the rest 6 on my own after course. bad news is, they don't have any connection with big companies. good news- teaching econs and all the crappy stuff also.

2. SUNWAY
Purely ACCA/CAT. will be doing CAT for 1 yr( start in Jan) or 1 yrhalf if start later. then the rest 3 years is 14 ACCA papers. total cost about RM40000. does not include the crappy stuff but have connection with the big 4. bad thing is, i'll become like a robot after that.

Down to the last two choices yet still cant decide..sighs. will truly have to pray real hard about it..

now for the HK trip, phews. tiring, fun, enjoyable.. what else? wait for my next post and pictures on facebook..

Leaving

2009-12-17T06:16:00.000+08:00

I'm singing in for the last time before i leave for Hong Kong.. its 6 in the morning!! the taxi is coming soon.. my flight is at 9 though.. I'm so gonna miss you people..:P To my dears and darlings, miss me kay?

Muaks and kisses

Luv ya people..

Post exam

2009-12-14T18:18:00.000+08:00

well, now that exams totally over, i'll have to have some aims to fulfill dis holiday also.. so, i'll try listing it down and see how much i can fulfill

1. Complete my drum lesson
well, at least that's what my mum promised me when i stopped Joel's class in March. I'll have to search and hunt for the right teacher and suitable one. Also dunno how much it would cost. well, worst come to worst, i'll go back to ymca..

2. Master guitar
i've just found out that my brother has a guitar here. so i'll bring it back and start learning it up. hopefully i can overcome the problem of short stubby fingers.:(
first step, get a pick!

3. Get a job
the only place available for me now is actually kumon centre, my previous centre i mean. hopefully there'll be a place for me there.. hoping hoping and hoping.. (nope jia, its not for other reasons)

4. Gain some additional info
eg learning up my chinese.. i have to break out of my bananaship. its not enough now with my broken mandarin and cantonese. bah.

four aims, hope to fulfill it soon.. keeping it short for the time being until i've found something else to add..

oh, since i did not have the laptop to update before my birthday, i'll put up my want list here for christmas..

1. A drum set! (this is the most impossible dream)
2. Chinese dictionary
3. Nokia 2730 (also an impossible one)
4. Greg Iles books, or time travellers wife..

also four things only.. keeping everytink to minium..lol

1 year older

2009-12-13T18:47:00.000+08:00

I'm finally back here..... after so many days of linelessness. thanks to my brother who took the laptop back to his apartment. there was so much i wanted to update these few days but did not have the chance to. so, i'll go one by one here.

9 Dec 2009
I passed my undang test! 45 out of 50. i was actually hoping for a 46, but i just thank God for it all la..haha. what else can i do other than give thanks? And also left for kl today. as i promised, i'll put up my schedule here.

KL- 9 till 16 dec
HK- 17 till 21 dec
KL and Melaka- 22 till 24 dec
Ipoh- 26 dec (booked!)
Penang and Kedah- 28 till 30 dec

so, looks like i'm booked till next year. wakaka. will enjoy my days thoroughly before going off to college..

10 Dec 2009
apyac started today. thank God for the company of Janna..:)

11 Dec 2009
My biggie day...:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD thank you so so much for the wishes people..
a big thanks to my brother..hehe. oh. i'll try to post the picture of the tortoise jia gave me.. i bought the same one months ago. wakaka

13 Dec 2009
gladand sad that apyac is over. sighs. just finished visiting pwtc for the facon fair. so leaves me with the big question..

should i choose inti, sunway or nilai? really undecided here. got to go catch a nap awhile before i knock out..

I'm free!!

2009-12-08T15:58:00.000+08:00

SPM's over! wheeeeeee. So so so delighted here. A large burden off my shoulders already..*grinning like crazy in front of the comp*

so anyway, how was it, you may ask? Some were okay, others were unexpected.. like Chemistry today was way what everyone expected.. Addmaths and Sejarah was a killer. bah. if the A+ mark is really 90, i'll have to hope that i get the rest correct.. hoping for an A+ for that subject!

well, its over now. will keep looking forward and not backwards. i'll be posting up some post-dated stuff later, times when i wanted so so so much to blog bout it but didn't get a chance to type here.. so long for now. need to get the spaghetti ready for my class party..

counting down the days..

2009-10-20T19:23:00.000+08:00

I have 28 days left! Nothing to write about actually.. just telling you guys that this blog would be dead for a month or two..haha.

1 month left

2009-10-16T16:53:00.001+08:00

A day before Deepavali. Right. Lots of things happening these days. Form 4 started exms already, form 2 following suit and soon its SPM! Well, my trial results were ok.. not much to make a fuss about. Haha. Okay. This is what I got – 7A1, 4A2 and 1B3. Well, that’s according to the old system. Don’t know what the new one would be like. So, I have exactly one more month before SPM. Have to work extra extra hard… chiaos for now..

p/s happy birthday Clara!

Post PMR

2009-10-13T19:40:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to update the bloggy yesterday.. but due to some halangan yang tidak dapat dielakkan, I could not do so. well, kudos to all form 3 students. PMR over ad. waiting for my day on 9th Dec. Gah. post damn short this days. Guess I won't be on that often till after exam. ciaos.

undecided

2009-10-12T22:59:00.000+08:00

phew..what turned out to be a good day ended up goolmy and down.

so here's the catch
- RM180 from my own pocket for yldp

OR

-use that money for 300HKD

choices, decisions, consequences..

sighs

Taste of life

2009-10-10T22:11:00.000+08:00

A drop of it reaches the tip of my tongue
I taste it
Enjoying the fullness of its sweetness
As the taste travels on
Comes a slight sourness
Some saltiness
And then bitterness
So bitter that it lingers long
Longer than expected
After tasting its fullness
I swallow hard
And place my tongue out again
Ready to receive any drops
If any was possible
Drops onto my tongue again

I must first learn to taste
Bitter, sweet, salty and sour
Then I learn how to swallow
Drop by drop I await
I cannot rush it
I don’t want to dream
I must take things slowly
Drop by drop
Till I’m ready for more
Then gulp by gulp would I get
A little more
The thirst is quenched
Until one day I might learn
To drink it all without any qualms

Drop by drop it goes
For every drop of it
Bitterness lingers
But I long for more
I long to taste the sweetness of it
And let the bitterness handle itself.

This is life.

no idea for the 1Malaysia sajak..argh...

Three smiles in a day

2009-10-09T13:39:00.000+08:00

Well today is someone's birthday.. for starters, let me wish Jolyn a big big happy birthday! It's been years since I last saw you..

Peristiwa I
Had my gerak gempur for acounts today. It was though! well, at least for a not so equipped in accounts person like me. I'll have to work very very hard if im planning to major in it..
-1 sad face

Peristiwa II
While sending the accounts paper to be marked today, I went up to disturb Miss Joyce (usual habit). haha. After talking bout the newsletter stuff, she showed me the result slip for the AMC.

Stephanie Ngim-D (which means distinction)

wow..the first time I have ever ever ever in my five years get such good result!
-1 smile

Peristiwa III
Coming down from the staffroom, took a bite in my bread and Stephanie(leong) came up.

" Pushpinder wants to see you"
"Who, me?"
"yala"

turning to Gwyneth, "Did Pushpinder call you?"
"No"

That's weird. She would usually call Gwyneth for anything. Turns out I got commended for my Commonwealth Essay. Still very unbelievable though. It's so unreal. For the essay i got 20 marks for markah penglibatan and 18 for pencapaian.
-1 smile

Peristiwa IV
Coming back from school, was checking my handphone when I say this message from Taylors

" Congratulations, you have been awarded the Principal's Award 2010..."

another real real big shock for me..
-1 smile

okay, okay. Have been very factual in my post today..still on cloud9 so very bingung and dunno what to write. So, the 3 smiles cancels off the sad face today..oh. and our civics folio have been found. No thanks to the teacher who accidentally took it home..

Grad Nite

2009-10-06T19:30:00.000+08:00

phew..grad nite's over.wasn't able to come online the day after and many other events have ensued. so, a brief recap. gathered at Tower regency at 7.30pm, didn't start till like 8 sumthing.. had food( it sucks) buffet styled. then some games, bla bla and the grad queen thingy. games was okay la.. just the boring stuff..haha. the committees had a hard time keeping us in our seats. its like every second we would be up taking photos.. the grad queen is shiyun.. can't really remember the other 20 nominees.. some photos would do the talking..

the invitation
my mask
the only full pix of me..cant rotate it la.. so you people have to view it from sideways..haha
and datin mungit even asked me to remove the tube..wth la..

so basically that's all.. the briefest account from me..haha. got to be going soon. logging off..

last night

2009-09-23T22:17:00.000+08:00

last night on the comp, before i get back to ipoh. must really thank my brother for his laptop! thank you bro... aiya, as if he would read this post lar.. anyhow, i still am worried bout my bk exam.. gah. so unprepared. somehow juzt don't have the mood to study. can just pray really really hard and do the best i can. heard the paper os real though. dead me..sobssobs.

well, as its my last night hogging the line, just wanna wish all those sitting for the exam all the best! and all the best to everyone else sitting for exams! may God bless you!

KL

2009-09-20T23:14:00.000+08:00

sitting here..facing the blank screen of my brother's laptop. sigh. it's sickening being here. im in kl, yet i don't enjoy being here. it's so hard to study! argggghhhh!! with all the distractions and temptations. bleh.

anyway, to more pleasing news, yea. i've got my stuff for grad nite. now its just pushing my mum to get me those contacts for the night. really am hoping for it. its a black dress, no plunging necklines..haha. i'll put pictures up after the night if i have time.

well, this is the first time i have so much problem studying bk..i mean, its the one subject i love all the while, and have always enjoyed studying it. why is it so hard this time? is it the environment? or am i putting too much pressure on myself? or is it merely the fear of past failures? sigh. i really have no answers to these questions. i can only make sure i finish reading both books by friday, if not im totally dead. God..give me strength please..

well, if i don't have enough troubles already, my sister is causing more for me. sighs. that one really unpredictable. one moment she can smile at you, and the next moment the long papaya face. phew. i still believe ignorance is the best way out.

so, for those who reads this post, wishing all you people selamat hari raya..and happy hols.

Trials over!

2009-09-17T19:31:00.001+08:00

wheeeeee...........finally get to touch the computer! yea. know my blog is dead.. well, all in all, the trial was oklar..some was good. others was just plain bad. phew. glad its over. BK will be on next friday in school. i'll have to come back for the test. so, anyway after trials everyone is so so so crazy about the next upcoming event-grad night. I seriously do not know what to wear. I've only gotten my mask so far, and as my mum would not allow me to wear contacts, I dunno how. tomorrow i'd be down in kl, spending a week there. hope to find something nice and like mrs.lee said-decent. bah. well, nothing bout school life these days. busy filling in forms and forms. well, i'll enjoy as much as i can, before the rock of bad results come tumbling down on me. how will i fair? it'll really frightening thinking of it.

nothing much bout me and my friends now, just repairing some long awaited broken relationships. really hope to mantain these relationships, not letting it shatter and break anymore. well, just pray for a better future..

apart from school, nothing much is happening around me these days..very boredla. if not study also got work to do. argh. can never stand that life. 24/7 study study study. don't even know why people call me a nerd. hey, nerds can study 25/7 k...gosh. i'm totally not in that category. really have to find something to do to fill my time other than study....

so, i guess that's all the updates you people need bout me now..hopefully get to use my brother's computer while in kl.. chiao.

2009-08-13T19:46:00.001+08:00

p/s: should do for grad nite?

2009-08-13T19:42:00.000+08:00

gosh gosh gosh..my last post was like may26??? well, i'll be keeping this blog dead till spm is over.. no time now. cramping all my studies together..wish me the best..

Post-exams..

2009-05-26T19:47:00.001+08:00

phiew...exams just over..wait. there's still bk.. wth. so if you were to ask me how i did this term, i'd say"very bad". Honestly speaking, i just am so unprepared for this test. unlike the smartie Chan wai yee..:(

came back from school today..and the first thing i notices was d Singapore letter. Heck. I mean, how often do you receive letters from Singapore? Turns out to be the Asean scholarship thingy..really freaky. wow.. what are my chances of even seeing the interviewers? gosh.. just wish for the best in it..

Respect

2009-05-09T09:38:00.001+08:00

u want me 2 respect you? when u keep ignoring me?

It's April!

2009-04-02T20:57:00.000+08:00

I'm here!!! It's just finish pouring outside..finally get to use the computer..phiew.. so, for the past two weeks, what have i been doing? getting involved in school activities i'd say..gosh. i shouldn't be here. i've got addmaths and physics waiting for me. anyway, the enrolment went pretty well, despite the fact that so many unwanted incidents happening..i've noticed that my blog is dull..very dull.. so will upload a picture or two to brighten it up..
starting from LTC..
then sports day..
too lazy for the rest..want the pix? ask it from me..

2009-03-17T12:54:00.000+08:00

yes..school hols are here..phiew..after the week of tests and activities. gonna have to enjoy this holiday to the max tho, before the hectic mid term starts... anyway, congratulations Kay Lynn! You got straight A's! dunno how you managed it..sigh..don't even know if i can reach my aim..11A1's.. gonna have to try very hard..signing off here..

Sports!!!

2009-03-03T19:46:00.000+08:00

here i am again..illegally online..ltc was over, no pix tho..still haven't got the pix from friends yet..all in all, if they were to combine this year's accommodation and food with last year's activities, it would be superb! can't spend much time here..pray for gb marching..really getting on my nerves..last practice is tomorrow..gosh. really want to win, but dunno if im putting too high a hope.. oh and kaylynn, if you're reading this and you're free enough, can send your yl equipment over? haha.. it's ok if you don't but i will really appreciate it..need 15 sets, having bout 5 only..im concentrating on gb alone. none others..my last and final hope. Strive for the best, GB!!!

2009-02-22T15:24:00.000+08:00

phiew..its feb 22nd. 6 more days and its the ned of the month, then it's march. test, sports, spm..bah. events coming up, etc the ltc and sports day. ltc is in tanjung rambutan, not very far away. my last one, hoping for adventurous stuff.. sports..hopefully we would win! banging on it now..

2009-02-20T23:47:00.000+08:00

i've come to realise that this blog is not so private after all..that i must think 1st before writing as to not hurt those who read..sigh..losing touch of things these days..

hating?

2009-02-15T15:28:00.000+08:00

yes..im hating it. i hate the way things are, and things that are not.
i hate your commitment towards things, where you can conveniently drop them,
i hate the commitment u have as a committee, where u don't care of things
i hate the way u behave, when u always try to go against orders
i hate the way u look at things, where u just close one eye on them
i hate the way u take things lightly, as if it never happened
i hate the way the contingent behaves, as if we've never lost
i hate the marching practices, for i can't march without bursting
i hate my selfishness, in trying to achieve so many things
i hate my self pity, in trying to get people to take attention of me
i hate the way u treat me, as if i don't exist in this world
i hate the way u look at me, for i noe u hate me, but u don't show it. instead, u stab me from the back
i hate the way u brush me off, especially when i'm left with no one
i hate it all, and just want to call it quits at times
i noe im hated, not by a slight number, but most of them
but im ignoring it already, for i can't seem to change any preception of me already
i'm currently hating the contingent, certain people in the contingent, for they treat this as a play-play thing. as long as they are in, i doubt we'll win the throphy again.
so much for valentines..

8-Feb-09

2009-02-08T14:48:00.000+08:00

sigh..no mood to blog these days..busy 24/7.. with the sports prax, the marchings and the meetings... the worst part is when i'm not enjoying it..like the marchings..its like an O-M-G time.. if only i could skip practice..well, hamizah is back in school..in 5s3 unfortunately..can't spend my last year in the same class as her..lots of things have happened..have awakened me[i hope] and give me less hope on certain things..putting all things unto God and won't keep myself bothered by all those petty stuff anymore! i'm letting it go!

CNY sux

2009-01-28T16:45:00.000+08:00

wow..Chinese new year..must say..this is the worst chinese new year i ever experienced..bluek..won't describe it though..don't want unwanted people invading my secrets..especially if it involves my family.bah. Installation was over..will upload the pictures in facebook..save time..gotta leave..